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BOOKS
Jul 7, 2018 4:45:35 GMT
Post by Ceran on Jul 7, 2018 4:45:35 GMT
BIBLIOTHEQUE
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BOOKS
Jul 7, 2018 4:47:21 GMT
Post by Ceran on Jul 7, 2018 4:47:21 GMT
Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) If our life is a good one, a life of mastery, most of it will be spent on the plateau. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 25 | location 372-373 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:20:08
If not, a large part of it may well be spent in restless, distracted, ultimately self-destructive attempts to escape the plateau. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 25 | location 373-374 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:20:20
The question remains: Where in our upbringing, our schooling, our career are we explicitly taught to value, to enjoy, even to love the plateau, the long stretch of diligent effort with no seeming progress? ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 27 | location 412-414 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:23:58
Unlike the Hacker, we were working hard, doing the best we could to improve our skills. But we had learned the perils of getting ahead of ourselves, and now were willing to stay on the plateau for as long as was necessary. Ambition still was there, but it was tamed. Once again we enjoyed our training. We loved the plateau. And we made progress. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 28 | location 417-418 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:24:16
while achieving great things in their work, are dedicated to the process as well as to the product—people who love the plateau. Life for these people is especially vivid and satisfying. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 29 | location 442-443 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:25:48
Love of your work, willingness to stay with it even in the absence of extrinsic reward, is good food and good drink. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 447-447 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:26:10
But it seems to me that mastery’s true face is relaxed and serene, sometimes faintly smiling. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 448-449 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:26:23
Besieged by opposing players, battered by the screams of the crowd, they make the difficult, even the supernatural, seem easy, and manage somehow to create harmony where chaos might otherwise prevail. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 457-459 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:27:10
love the plateau is to love the eternal now, to enjoy the inevitable spurts of progress and the fruits of accomplishment, then serenely to accept the new plateau that waits just beyond them. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 32 | location 481-482 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:28:29
Instruction comes in many forms. For mastering most skills, there’s nothing better than being in the hands of a master teacher, either one-to-one or in a small group. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 32 | location 485-486 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:28:49
The search for good instruction starts with a look at credentials and lineage. Who was your teacher’s teacher? Who was that teacher’s teacher? And so on back to the timeless time when individual identity disappears in the myth of first beginnings. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 491-492 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:29:19
It’s particularly challenging, in fact, for a top performer to become a first-rate teacher. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 494-495 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:29:38
To see the teacher clearly, look at the students. They are his work of art. If at all possible, attend an instructional session before choosing your teacher. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 495-495 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:29:42
Focus your attention on the students. Even more, on the interaction. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 495-496 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:29:47
Does the instructor proceed through praise or through damnation? ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 500-501 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:30:17
The best teacher generally strives to point out what the student is doing right at least as frequently as what she or he is doing wrong, ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 33 | location 505-507 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:30:57
the essence of the instructor’s art lies in the ability to work effectively and enthusiastically with beginners and to serve as a guide on the path of mastery for those who are neither as fast nor as talented as the norm. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 585-586 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 09:35:59
his book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Zen master Shunryu Suzuki approaches the question of fast and ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 591-592 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:32:16
When you learn too easily, you’re tempted not to work hard, not to penetrate to the marrow of a practice. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 586-589 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:32:50
“In our scriptures, it is said that there are four kinds of horses: excellent ones, good ones, poor ones, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, right and left, at the driver’s will, before it sees the shadow of the whip; the second best will run as well as the first one, just before the whip reaches its skin; the third one will run when it feels pain on its body; the fourth will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of its bones. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 40 | location 603-605 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:33:48
Learning eventually involves interaction between the learner and the learning environment, and its effectiveness relates to the frequency, quality, variety, and intensity of the interaction. With tapes, there’s no real interaction ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 41 | location 620-623 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:35:21
Meanwhile, there are still good teachers and bad teachers. Visits to hundreds of schools have convinced me that the teacher who can make the present system work is undoubtedly a master. He or she is not necessarily the one who gives the most polished lectures, but rather the one who has discovered how to involve each student actively in the process of learning. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 41 | location 629-631 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:36:11
It’s important to keep the proper psychological distance. If you’re too far removed, there’s no chance for the surrender that’s part of the master’s journey (see Chapter Seven); if you come too close, you lose all perspective and become a disciple rather than a student. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 42 | location 631-632 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:36:21
When irreconcilable differences do occur, remember that the better part of wisdom is knowing when to say good-bye. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 42 | location 644-645 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:15
For one who is on the master’s journey, however, the word is best conceived of as a noun, not as something you do, but as something you have, something you are. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 43 | location 645-646 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:23
In this sense, the word is akin to the Chinese word tao and the Japanese word do, both of which mean, literally, road or path. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 43 | location 646-647 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:32
Practice is the path upon which you travel, just that. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 43 | location 647-647 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:37
A practice (as a noun) can be anything you practice on a regular basis as an integral part of your life—not ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 43 | location 647-648 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:42
in order to gain something else, but for its own sake. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 43 | location 649-650 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:37:57
A doctor practices medicine and an attorney practices law, and each of them also has a practice. But if that practice is only a collection of patients or clients, a way of making a living, it isn’t a master’s practice. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 44 | location 660-662 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:39:10
There’s another secret: The people we know as masters don’t devote themselves to their particular skill just to get better at it. The truth is, they love to practice—and because of this they do get better. And then, to complete the circle, the better they get the more they enjoy performing the basic moves over and over again. ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 44 | location 671-672 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:40:08
“The master,” an old martial arts saying goes, “is the one who stays on the mat five minutes longer every day than anybody else.” ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 46 | location 699-700 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:42:40
“How long will it take me to master aikido?” a prospective student asks. “How long do you expect to live?” ========== Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment (George Leonard) - Your Highlight on page 46 | location 704-705 | Added on Sunday, 19 April 2020 15:43:03
But that’s not really the point. What is mastery? At the heart of it, mastery is practice. Mastery is staying on the path. ==========
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BOOKS
Jul 7, 2018 4:48:24 GMT
Post by Ceran on Jul 7, 2018 4:48:24 GMT
The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 11 | location 155-156 | Added on Tuesday, 25 June 2019 17:21:56
To be fully engaged, we must be physically energized, emotionally connected, mentally focused and spiritually aligned with a purpose beyond our immediate self-interest. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 15 | location 222-224 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:22:16
Full engagement requires drawing on four separate but related sources of energy: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 266-267 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:10
Emotional flexibility reflects the capacity to move freely and appropriately along a wide spectrum of emotions rather than responding rigidly or defensively. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 267-268 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:16
Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from experiences of disappointment, frustration and even loss. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 268-269 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:25
Mental endurance is a measure of the ability to sustain focus and concentration over time, while mental flexibility is marked by the capacity to move between the rational and the intuitive and to embrace multiple points of view. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 270-271 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:32
Spiritual strength is reflected in the commitment to one's deepest values, regardless of circumstance and even when adhering to them involves personal sacrifice. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 271-272 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:37
Spiritual flexibility, by contrast, reflects the tolerance for values and beliefs that are different than one's own, so long as those values and beliefs don't bring harm to others. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 18 | location 272-273 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:24:45
In short, to be fully engaged requires strength, endurance, flexibility and resilience in all dimensions. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 280-281 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:25:26
To maintain a powerful pulse in our lives, we must learn how to rhythmically spend and renew energy. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 282-282 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:25:39
ability to fully engage in the challenge at hand, but also to disengage periodically and seek renewal. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 288-289 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:26:23
We, too, must learn to live our own lives as a series of sprints—fully engaging for periods of time, and then fully disengaging and seeking renewal before jumping back into the fray to face whatever challenges confront us. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 290-292 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:26:39
PRINCIPLE 3: To build capacity, we must push beyond our normal limits, training in the same systematic way that elite athletes do. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 20 | location 298-301 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:27:16
We build emotional, mental and spiritual capacity in precisely the same way that we build physical capacity. We grow at all levels by expending energy beyond our ordinary limits and then recovering. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 20 | location 302-303 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:27:35
To meet increased demand in our lives, we must learn to systematically build and strengthen muscles wherever our capacity is insufficient. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 20 | location 306-308 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:27:55
PRINCIPLE 4: Positive energy rituals—highly specific routines for managing energy—are the key to full engagement and sustained high performance. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 22 | location 329-329 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:30:02
Making changes that endure, we have found, is a three-step process that we call Purpose-Truth-Action. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 22 | location 330-332 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:30:18
The first step in our change process is to Define Purpose. In the face of our habitual behaviors and our instinct to preserve the status quo, we need inspiration to make changes in our lives. Our first challenge is to answer the question "How should I spend my energy in a way that is consistent with my deepest values?" ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 23 | location 338-340 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:30:57
It is impossible to chart a course of change until you are able to look honestly at who you are today. In the next stage of our process, Face the Truth, the first question we ask clients is "How are you spending your energy now?" Each of us finds ways to avoid the most unpleasant and discomfiting truths in our lives. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 24 | location 354-355 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:32:13
The third step in your change process is to Take Action to close the gap between who you are and who you want to be—between how you manage your energy now and how you want to manage your energy to achieve whatever mission you are on. This step involves building a ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 25 | location 371-372 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:33:32
Great leaders are stewards of organizational energy. They begin by effectively managing their own energy. As leaders, they must mobilize, focus, invest, channel, renew and expand the energy of others. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 25 | location 378-379 | Added on Thursday, 30 July 2020 15:33:55
Making change that lasts requires a three-step process: Define Purpose, Face the Truth and Take Action. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 36 | location 541-543 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:34:26
We achieved our breakthroughs with athletes by helping them to more skillfully manage energy—pushing themselves to systematically increase capacity in whatever dimension it was insufficient, but also to build in regular recovery as part of their training regimens. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 36 | location 549-550 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:35:12
Emotional depth and resilience depend on active engagement with others and with our own feelings. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 36 | location 550-551 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:35:20
Mental acuity diminishes in the absence of ongoing intellectual challenge. Spiritual energy capacity depends on regularly revisiting our deepest values and holding ourselves accountable in our behavior. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 37 | location 560-561 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:36:08
THE PULSE OF LIFE Nature itself has a pulse, a rhythmic, wavelike movement between activity and rest. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 37 | location 566-568 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:36:37
We are oscillatory beings in an oscillatory universe. Rhythmicity is our inheritance. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 38 | location 579-580 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:37:24
Somewhere between 90 and 120 minutes, the body begins to crave a period of rest and recovery. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 38 | location 580-581 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:37:36
Signals include a desire to yawn and stretch, hunger pangs, increased tension, difficulty concentrating, an inclination to procrastinate or fantasize, and a higher incidence of mistakes. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 590-591 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:38:16
If you are drinking several cups of coffee to stay alert during the day and a couple of drinks or several glasses of wine to disengage in the evening, you are simply masking your own linearity. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 592-593 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:38:25
To live like a sprinter is to break life down into a series of manageable intervals consistent with our own physiological needs and with the periodic rhythms of nature. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 52 | location 783-784 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:50:51
To build capacity, we must systematically expose ourselves to more stress—followed by adequate recovery. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 52 | location 786-788 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:51:04
We grow at all levels by expending energy beyond our normal limits, and then recovering. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 52 | location 793-794 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:51:26
Expanding capacity requires a willingness to endure short-term discomfort in the service of long-term reward. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 52 | location 796-798 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:51:43
'The best moments [in our lives] usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 53 | location 799-800 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 10:51:54
Much as we fear change, the deepest satisfaction comes from our willingness to expose ourselves to new challenges and engage in novel experiences. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 53 | location 813-815 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 13:42:25
If you are the victim of a violent crime, or lose a loved one, or get fired from a job, the first need is for healing, recovery and time to regroup. Rebuilding energy capacity requires gradually reexposing ourselves to the demands of the world that dealt us the setback in the first place. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 54 | location 825-826 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 13:43:44
the key to expanding capacity is both to push beyond one's ordinary limits and to regularly seek recovery, which is when growth actually occurs. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 56 | location 845-848 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 13:45:25
In reality, physical energy is the fundamental source of fuel, even if our work is almost completely sedentary. It not only lies at the heart of alertness and vitality but also affects our ability to manage our emotions, sustain concentration, think creatively, and even maintain our commitment to whatever mission we are on. Leaders and managers make a fundamental mistake when they assume that they can overlook the physical dimension of energy and still expect those who work for them to perform at their best. ========== The Power of Full Engagement (Tony Schwartz) - Your Highlight on page 56 | location 852-854 | Added on Friday, 31 July 2020 13:45:57
At the most basic level, physical energy is derived from the interaction between oxygen and glucose. In practical terms, the size of our energy reservoir depends on the patterns of our breathing, the foods that we eat and when we eat them, the quantity and quality of our sleep,
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BOOKS
Jul 7, 2018 4:48:46 GMT
Post by Ceran on Jul 7, 2018 4:48:46 GMT
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 407-409 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:41:39
THERE ARE TWO PIVOTAL tools in creative recovery: the morning pages and the artist date. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 411-412 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:41:52
THE MORNING PAGES In order to retrieve your creativity, you need to find it. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 418-419 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:42:19
What are morning pages? Put simply, the morning pages are three pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-consciousness: ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 424-424 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:42:53
Nothing is too petty, too silly, too stupid, or too weird to be included. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 432-433 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:43:10
Nobody is allowed to read your morning pages except you. And you shouldn’t even read them yourself for the first eight weeks or so. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 433-434 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:43:17
Just write three pages, and stick them into an envelope. Or write three pages in a spiral notebook and don’t leaf back through. Just ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 442-444 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:43:52
All that angry, whiny, petty stuff that you write down in the morning stands between you and your creativity. Worrying about the job, the laundry, the funny knock in the car, the weird look in your lover’s eye—this stuff eddies through our subconscious and muddies our days. Get it on the page. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 458-459 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:44:21
Make this a rule: always remember that your Censor’s negative opinions are not the truth. This takes practice. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 459-459 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:44:27
By spilling out of bed and straight onto the page every morning, you learn to evade the Censor. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 460-461 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:44:38
Let your Censor rattle on. (And it will.) Just keep your hand moving across the page. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 461-463 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:44:50
Write down the Censor’s thoughts if you want to. Note how it loves to aim for your creative jugular. Make no mistake: the Censor is out to get you. It’s a cunning foe. Every time you get smarter, so does it. So you wrote one good play? The Censor tells you that’s all there is. So you drew your first sketch? The Censor says, “It’s not Picasso.” ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 470-470 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:45:06
Morning pages are nonnegotiable. Never skip or skimp on morning pages. Your mood doesn’t matter. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 472-473 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:45:16
Morning pages will teach you that your mood doesn’t really matter. Some of the best creative work gets done on the days when you feel that everything you’re doing is just plain junk. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 473-475 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:45:23
The morning pages will teach you to stop judging and just let yourself write. So what if you’re tired, crabby, distracted, stressed? Your artist is a child and it needs to be fed. Morning pages feed your artist child. So write your morning pages. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 475-477 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:45:30
Three pages of whatever crosses your mind—that’s all there is to it. If you can’t think of anything to write, then write, “I can’t think of anything to write….” Do this until you have filled three pages. Do anything until you have filled three pages. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 477-479 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:45:45
When people ask, “Why do we write morning pages?” I joke, “To get to the other side.” They think I am kidding, but I’m not. Morning pages do get us to the other side: the other side of our fear, of our negativity, of our moods. Above all, they get us beyond our Censor. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 515-515 | Added on Sunday, 23 August 2020 19:47:14
We meditate to discover our own identity, our right place in the scheme of the universe.
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 546-547 | Added on Saturday, 19 December 2020 21:42:56
Anyone who faithfully writes morning pages will be led to a connection with a source of wisdom within. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 611-613 | Added on Saturday, 19 December 2020 21:46:15
But what exactly is an artist date? An artist date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness, your inner artist. In its most primary form, the ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 1006-1008 | Added on Wednesday, 23 December 2020 20:54:15
1. Every morning, set your clock one-half hour early; get up and write three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness morning writing. Do not reread these pages or allow anyone else to read them. Ideally, stick these pages in a large manila envelope, or hide them somewhere. ========== The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Julia Cameron) - Your Highlight at location 1197-1198 | Added on Wednesday, 23 December 2020 21:04:30
SHAKTI GAWAIN
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BOOKS
Jul 7, 2018 4:49:15 GMT
Post by Ceran on Jul 7, 2018 4:49:15 GMT
xxxx
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BOOKS
Sept 16, 2018 5:08:14 GMT
Post by Ceran on Sept 16, 2018 5:08:14 GMT
Vagina (Naomi Wolf)
========== “the oceanic feeling.” ========== Philosophers have spoken for centuries of “a God-shaped hole” in human beings—the longing human beings feel to connect with something greater than themselves, and which motivates religious and spiritual quests. Blaise Pascal put it: “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and unchangeable object; in other words by God himself.”11 ========== “Every woman is wired differently. Some women’s nerves branch more in the vagina; other women’s nerves branch more in the clitoris. Some branch a great deal in the perineum, or at the mouth of the cervix. That accounts for some of the differences in female sexual response.” The vulva, clitoris, and vagina are just the most superficial surfaces of what is really going on with us. The real activity is literally far, and far more complexly, under these tactile surfaces. The vulva, clitoris, and vagina are actually best understood as the surface of an ocean that is shot through with vibrant networks of underwater lightning—intricate and fragile, individually varied neural pathways. ========== The “relaxation response,” a powerful phenomenon identified in the West by Dr. Herbert Benson in 1975 ========== As many women (and men) know to their frustration, the more you try to will yourself to feel aroused and reach orgasm, the more elusive these states can become. ========== enter the transcendental state that takes the female brain into “high” orgasm, you absolutely need to feel safe; safe from “bad stress,” in the sense of knowing you are entering a trance state in the presence of someone who will protect you if necessary at the very least, and not endanger you or put you in circumstances out of your control. ========== Many people don’t like being touched if they are angry, but women seem to have more trouble than men with arousal if they are upset. The difference in our bodies’ ========== the first flush of courtship, men often treat their female lovers in ways that deeply relax the women, supporting the work of the SNS; that activate their pelvic neural networks; and that trigger delicious hormonal activity in the female brain. But once the relationship is secured, many men tend to scale back those seductive words and lingering, relaxing caresses, or drop them altogether. ========== A whole set of words, actions, and gestures that women cannot do without, and that I call “the Goddess Array,” are, in our culture, seen as mere invitations to the feast, and not as the feast itself. it becomes clear that these gestures, touches, kisses, and words aren’t extras. They are integral parts of the activation of the female ANS—and in turn these words and gestures tell the female brain that this is a safe sexual environment. ========== The linear, goal-oriented model of sex that is conventional in our culture makes many women feel frustrated and existentially unhappy over time—even if they are having orgasms. ========== Men who really want to understand their wives and girlfriends and make them existentially happy will simply need to understand the female ANS, and seek out a deeper understanding of the life of the vagina. Such a man will need to become“more Tantric,” more sensual and romantic in bed, but he will, just as importantly, need to be much more attentive to what the woman wants in her life at any given moment. He will need to totally forget whatever he thought “worked” with his last lover, and learn from the very beginning, following her individual response. He will have to be far more inventive, creative, and attentive than the conventional model of heterosexual sex “scripts” him to be. A male lover of a woman, in other words, has to be far more patient, tactile, and time invested than he has probably been raised to be (and probably much more than he is initially inclined to be, after a long day at work). He must become far more interested in her state of mind, her level of stress or of relaxation, the skin of her whole body, a breath in her ear, a heavier touch and a lighter touch; far more interested in really gazing into her eyes, in light kissing and deep kissing; far more interested in offering stroking and caresses to her that do not feel to the woman as if there is a goal-oriented “agenda.” He must stimulate, sensitively and skillfully, whatever combination of the woman’s clitoris, vagina, G-spot, labia, perineum, rectum, and mouth of her cervix really makes her happy. ========== needs to be highly attentive to whether she wants soft, lingering lovemaking at that moment or hard, powerful sex or some exciting combination, because at different times of the month—or depending on her mind-state, which affects her body—her wishes may vary. ========== Dopamine is associated with arousal and desire. if your dopamine levels are just right, you are confident, creative, and talkative, and you trust your perceptions. “Dopamine’s optimal work in your brain is about flexibility in decision making: it helps you make the right decision at the right time for you in an ever-changing world,” notes Dr. Pfaus. It is the “decider” chemical, the chemical involved in leadership and confidence building. Oxytocin and other emotion-generating hormones, which will make you think your lover’s otherwise annoying habits are really cute, are processed in the hypothalamus. Opioid release, which is measurable in brain scans, and which meditators describe as states of “awe,” “bliss,” and “oneness,” is boosted by orgasm. romantic love has three different chemical components: lust, composed of androgens and estrogens; attraction, driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin (this accounts for mood swings in early courtship); and finally, attachment, made up of oxytocin and vasopressin. ========== And I know the two feed each other: the sexuality fuels the creative work, and the work fuels the sex.” life after life of this now-expanded circle of women artists, writers, and revolutionaries, the same arc appeared: a flowing of creative insight and vision seemed to follow a sexual flowering. the biographies I read, the lover is often a kind of muse figure—not always a staid partner, but often a man or woman who respects the creative artist or revolutionary intellectually, while stirring her erotically. For so many of the great women artists, writers, and revolutionaries, it seems, a sexual awakening coincided with risk-taking on other levels—social and artistic—and with other kinds of awakening: of mastery, expression, and creative powers. think that there might be a connection between the vagina and the brain that most of us don’t fully understand. I’m finding that there may be some relationship between female orgasm, and confidence and creativity. There may also be a relationship between the vagina—and orgasm—and the ability to see the connections between things.” ========== Many women spoke of unusually profound orgasms—not the everyday kind—as experiences that were followed with a sense of unusual power, energy, and confidence; profound sexual experiences was not a simple matter of the quantity of orgasmic “fireworks.” What was transformative for them was something subjective about the quality of the orgasm that merged the physical realm with the realm of emotions or perception: the intensity that it created, and in turn the confidence and creativity it unleashed. ========== Does really special sex, sex that engages the vagina, emotions, and body in very specific ways—ways that involve very concrete kinds of activation of the parasympathetic nervous system—actually lead to female euphoria, creativity, and self-love? So in this way, the vagina is the delivery system for the states of mind that we call confidence, liberation, self-realization, and even mysticism in women. You will experience feelings of well-being and satisfaction; have a sense of directedness and persistence in accomplishing tasks; experience strong feelings toward others; make sound choices; and have realistic expectations. These are qualities that every CEO writes about as critical to accomplishing game-changing work and affecting the world in major ways ========== After orgasm, gender differences emerge. For men, dopamine drops drastically after orgasm, and men lose interest in sex, for a time. They have a refractory period during which they can’t get aroused. But does dopamine drop as far in the female brain—and does prolactin step up the “enough already” response for a woman in the same way, especially if she is multiorgasmic? Not necessarily. If a woman goes on to have another orgasm and then another, she will continue to mainline boosts of dopamine. And new research shows that virtually all women are able to have orgasms fairly easily under the right circumstances. ========== Female orgasm also, surprisingly, boosts the levels of testosterone in women. That is one more reason that great sex makes women hard to push around easily. So sex raises women’s testosterone, which in turn raises their libido further, which in turn makes them more assertive and more interested in having even more sex. So the fear that patriarchy always had—that if you let women have sex and know how to like it, it will make them both increasingly libidinous and increasingly ungovernable—is actually biologically true! ========== nature constructed a profound difference between the sexes, which places women in, potentially, a position of greater biochemical empowerment than men, through the medium of satisfying sexual activity. ========== The good news is that all this dopamine will—if women and their vaginas are not hurt, suppressed, injured, or demeaned—make women more confident, more euphoric, more creative, and more assertive—possibly more than a male-dominated society is comfortable with. Feminists are continually seeking to elicit the suppressed female “voice.” Serotonin literally subdues the female voice, and dopamine literally raises it. Dopamine causes focus and initiative, according to science’s latest model. Opioids cause bliss, the “oceanic feeling,” the sense of the sublime. Have you ever seen a group of people who have just snorted cocaine talk? You can’t shut them up. ========== restate what by now should be obvious: the healthy, sexually well-treated vagina regularly delivers a strong activation of dopamine to the female reward system, as well as surges of oxytocin for connection, and opioids that drive the sensations of joy. ========== Let’s look at oxytocin—“the cuddle hormone”—on its own. Oxytocin’s function in humans is to bond people to each other so they are better able to survive. Oxytocin also allows people to see the relationships between things and between people more clearly. ========== I was also aware that for many women, when there is sexual pressure against the cervix, orgasms can feel far more emotional—women can burst into tears after orgasms that strike the mouth of the cervix. Many women have described to me becoming emotionally “addicted” to this sensation from a lover. cervix—might mean that we need to face the fact that women are, in a sense, more easily addicted to love and to good sex with the person who triggers that heady chemical bath, than men are. ========== Good sex is, in other words, actually addictive for women biochemically in certain ways that are different from the experience of men—meaning the truth is that if he or she didn’t make you feel that great in your body—if he or she didn’t smell that good to you, taste that satisfying, touch you in ways that suited your unique needs to be touched, or make you come satisfyingly—you wouldn’t care that much if he or she never called again. If he or she is the one who turns the ANS on high alert, who delivers the dopamine high from anticipation, who leaves you with the world aglow from opioid release—that is the same man or woman who makes you ache with anxiety for the follow-up call. This bath, of what are essentially drugs, primes women’s neural systems to overcome huge obstacles to getting to the loved one; to engage in extreme behavior in pursuit of love and sexual pleasure; and to be physiologically unable to compartmentalize, to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, or just to “get a grip” or “get over” him or her. If they manage to “snap out of it,” it is with superhuman effort and at a cost. Bad sex—inattentive sex with a selfish or distracted partner—is actually chemically dispiriting and damaging psychologically to women in a way that is different from men’s experience. ========== understand the ways in which nature designed us to be attached to and dependent upon love, When a woman is engaged in this struggle with love and need, she is not “subject” to the person in question; she is actually engaged in a struggle with herself, to find a way to reclaim her autonomy while somehow not cutting herself off from the part of herself that was awakened by the beloved in the longing for connection. that the need for connection, love, intimacy, and Eros is indeed bigger and stronger than anything else in the world. But often we are preoccupied with the beloved not because we have no selves of our own, but because the beloved has physiologically awakened aspects of our own selves. ========== The tricky part is, if you look at the new science, that women are indeed, in sex, in some ways more like animals than men are; the new science also reveals that, in sex, women can be more like mystics than men are. . ========== Specifically, the solution is often that least easy goal to reach—a sweeping change in how most straight men behave in bed with most straight women mouse—an astonishingly high percentage of ordinary women, from one in five to one in three, still report feeling little desire, or have trouble regularly reaching orgasm, or report being angry about something involving sexual intimacy. ========== honestly—many men are taught about women in such a way that they don’t really know what they are doing? But neither gender is being taught about the delicate mind-heart-body connection that, it turns out, is female sexual response. ========== So if you are to subdue and suppress women, and in such a way that you don’t need to actually pen them in or lock them up—in such a way that they come to “do it to themselves,” to suppress themselves, to lose joy and self-direction, to have no pleasure, to distrust the strength of love, to think human connection frail and unreliable—you must target the vagina. Why is rape a constant in every society? Why does war always include mass rape of the enemy’s women? Why do so many men rape in a context of war? if your goal is to break a woman psychologically, it is efficient to do violence to her vagina. Rape, properly understood, is more like an injury to the brain than a violent variation on sex. Rape, properly understood, is always aimed not just at the female sex organ but at the female brain. ========== knew that for women, a fully functioning pelvic nerve is crucial for producing the dopamine, oxytocin, and other chemicals that raise levels of perception, confidence, and feistiness. ========== Her view is that different quadrants of the vagina hold different kinds of blocked emotion, and that these can be released through internal manipulaion She is also sure that emotion affects women’s vaginal sensitivity and muscle tone and can even exacerbate vaginal and other kinds of pathology. when she “frees” tensions in the vagina, she can free other emotional issues in the female mind that may have gotten stuck, releasing areas of a woman’s creativity and sexual health that had been suffering from low vitality. When a woman suffers from vulvodynia, it means that something is inflaming or irritating some part of the pelvic neural network, causing pain in the vulva, vagina, or even the clitoris, which leads to painful sex. any kind of problem in the vulvovaginal region, it affects your whole sense of self. A lot of women feel crazy for feeling that their whole sense of self is involved with the vagina, but I tell them they are not. Having pain or discomfort in that part of your body is not like having pain in another part of your body. “Everything—everything becomes flattened: their feelings about work, their feelings about their friends, about their partners, about family members. Their perception changes because of the way they feel about themselves. They start to feel damaged, so they project it onto everyone else. It is indeed despair that they report: despondency and hopelessness.” ========== Mike Lousada is the world’s nicest former investment banker turned male sexual healer. His mission, as he describes it, is the sexual healing of women, and he is highly trained both as a therapist and as a Tantric practitioner. audio file of an interview I’d conducted with Charles Muir, the American Tantric guru. ========== The idea that the vagina has a rich, nuanced memory bank and, yes, a physical and emotional biography of its own, was being confirmed at once, by two separate cultural paradigms. you massage these women’s vaginal walls, there are knots of muscles there, in their vaginas,” and I stimulate the vagina, she has one or two orgasms, and then huge bursts of grief or rage come up. So the body is using orgasm to mask the grief and pain.” ========== Once they feel safe enough to move from ‘freeze’ to ‘fight or flight’ they are likely to be moving also from numbness to pain or masking orgasms, to absolute rage—they may start yelling at that point, or revisit the trauma—but this time with a different outcome. They might shout, this time, ‘Get your f—ing hands off me!’ Memories may surface. They move into ‘flight’: sometimes the legs will involuntarily start kicking. Then they move into a social response: eventually they are able to engage with someone in a different way. Eventually intimacy doesn’t retraumatize them. Porges says that the traumatized nervous system can profoundly affect relationships. ========== “In Tantra, the yoni is not just a sacred place, but a ‘seat of the divine.’ When you honor a woman’s sexuality and her very sex, you support the optimal functioning of the physical systems that support her intellectual creativity; when you threaten and insult her sexuality and her very sex, you do exactly the opposite. ========== show that the autonomic nervous system in women is directly connected to optimal sexual arousal functionality in vaginal tissue, circulation, and lubrication itself—so verbal threats or verbal admiration or reassurances can directly affect the sexual functioning of the vagina. The vagina responds to the sense of female safety, in ========== In Han dynasty China (206 BCE–220 CE) or India fifteen hundred years ago or in thirteenth-century Japan, when the vagina was portrayed as the most sacred spot in the most sacred temple in a sacred universe, that was how woman’s brains experienced their vaginas. When, as in medieval Europe during the witch hunts, the culture cast the vagina as the devil’s playground and the gateway to hell, a woman in that culture felt herself to be built up around a core of existential shame. If, as in Elizabethan England, a culture portrays the vagina as a hole, a woman in that culture will feel that she is centered around emptiness or worthlessness; when, as in Germany and England and America after Freud, a woman’s culture portrays the vagina’s response as a test of womanliness, she is likely to feel herself insufficiently womanly. ========== When a woman’s culture—as in today’s women’s magazine-type sexual athleticism in the West—casts the ideal vagina as a producer of multiple orgasms on call, she will feel herself put to a continual, impossible test. ========== other words, the female brain changes physically over time in response to these kinds of repeated triggers in the environment. ========== “What if the words you heard as a girl and young woman made you think of yourself—in the most intimate, sexual sense—as a source of wisdom, as precious, fragrant, a treasure?” To be surrounded by comparably reverent or appreciative language about one’s sexuality would make women not only more open sexually, but it would also make them more able to function in the world in ways that increased their creativity, strength, and sense of connection. ========== They believed that men’s greatest health, wisdom, and potential could be developed only by becoming masters at pleasing women, and thus enjoying the potent yin essence that emanated only from the intimate parts of a truly aroused and ultimately fulfilled woman. ========== Porn puts people to sleep, conceptually and politically as well as erotically. n the greatest of great ironies—we are discovering that porn diminishes rather than heightens libido over time; that its effect on the phallus is ultimately unmanning and depressive; and that its effect on the vagina is a short-circuiting of the intense erotic potential—which means, also, the intense creative potential—inherent in every woman. ========== Social conservatives have always feared real sexual awakening because erotic aliveness has the power to lead people into other kinds of resistance to deadening norms and rigid political, class, and social oppressions. ========== Eros has always had the potential to truly rouse people, spiritually and politically as well as physically. ========== “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,” Feminism has evaded the far more difficult question of how to be a liberated heterosexual woman and how to acknowledge deep physical needs for connection with men. ========== Now that we know that the vagina is a gateway to a woman’s happiness and to her creative life, we can create and engage with an entirely different model of female sexuality, one that cherishes and values women’s sexuality. ========== India of the Tantrists, about fifteen hundred years ago, and the Han dynasty of China about a thousand years ago—women were, for a time, elevated and enjoyed relative freedom. These two cultures viewed the vagina as life-giving and sacred, and, as I noted, they believed that balance and health for men depended upon treating the vagina—and women—extremely well sexually. Both cultures appear to have understood aspects ========== Tantra, from the Sanskrit, best translated as “doctrine,” emerged in medieval India. Tantra sees the universe as a manifestation of Divine Consciousness in a state of joyful play, as expressed through the balancing of feminine and masculine energies: Shakti and Shiva. A ========== In Tao, the vagina was also seen as life-giving and divine. Men were encouraged to bring women to orgasm with great skill and care, in order to benefit from their energizing “yin” essences. The penis was seen to draw life-enhancing qualities from women’s vaginal juices. to ensure that they sexually satisfied their wives and concubines with long foreplay and carefully timed thrusting, since personal and cosmic harmony, as well as healthy offspring, were all seen as being dependent on female sexual ecstasy. “At the very least, a man must delay his climax to adjust for the difference in arousal time between ‘fire and water’ and to ensure the woman’s full satisfaction.” The Taoist sexual texts take it for granted that female sexual intensity is stronger than its male counterpart, and so the sexual training of men was necessary to harmonize those innate disharmonies. ========== Learned techniques cultivated male sexual control and the eliciting of a woman’s health-giving “jade fluid.” Taoist sexual texts, women were understood to emit medicinal fluids from various parts of their bodies, including from under their tongues, from their breasts, and from their vaginas. The man’s goal for the sake of his own health was to stir the release of these precious fluids: the Taoist sacred text The Great Medicine of the Three Peaks explains that a woman’s breasts issue “jade juice,” which, if a man sucks on them, nourishes the man’s spleen and spinal cord. By sucking her nipples, he also opens “all of the woman’s meridians” and “relaxes the woman’s body and mind.” This action penetrates to the “flowery pool” and stimulates the “mysterious gate” below, causing the body’s fluids and chi (energy) to overflow. “Of the three objects of absorption,” writes the author, “this is your first duty.” When intercourse takes place, the woman’s emotions are voluptuous, her face red, and voice trembling. At this time her “gate” opens up, her chi is released, and her secretions overflow. If the man withdraws his “jade stalk” an inch or so, and assumes the posture of “giving and receiving,” he then accepts her chi and absorbs her secretions, thereby strengthening his “primal yang” and nourishing his spirit ========== Tantric workshops that centers specifically on “sacred spot massage.” The workshop, which takes places over two days, is taught by Charles Muir a male Tantrist completely focused on releasing female sexual and emotional energies, in all their variability and wildness, and the woman supported in simply receiving this care and not worrying about reciprocity—was Then it hit me: all of the men were gazing deeply into the eyes of the women, and gave the impression, at least, of giving the women their undivided attention. all appeared to approach the women, no matter how conventionally attractive they were in turn, with a rare kind of confidence—not arrogance, but a kind of certainty of their own value to women. Tall geeky men with pens clipped to their shirt pockets gazed confidently into the eyes of sleek sophisticates; grizzled older men gazed into the eyes of women of all ages; men of all shapes, sizes, and physical conditions were deeply attentive to women and quietly self-assured, and so, in spite of whatever they were or were not endowed with by nature, did come across as unusually charming. Amazing what an understanding of sacred spot massage must do for a guy’s confidence level, I thought. ========== transmit energy, love, and affection in my touch without doing something necessarily sexual,” he said. “It’s about the art of enjoying the moment rather than wanting to just ‘get it.’ ========== you [as a man] are present and can hold space for their emotions, how can you not be successful in relationships with women? Women [who receive sacred spot massage from men] are better able to ground themselves sooner, not hold on to their stuff, not create new stories, like: ‘You never pay attention to me.’ What is porn? Deep; fast; ejaculate. In contrast, Tantra is: slow; connect; explore every inch of what you’re doing.” ========== “Angle, depth, rhythm: each creates a different response. Even when [one’s penis] is soft you can part her lips with it. Even if you don’t have a hard-on at that moment, you are exploring; it’s a game; that can be one of the most intense parts of an evening. ========== “If more women knew themselves better, the more they could explain what is going on: communicate to themselves, or to a partner, how to connect more. It would feel really good if more women communicated what they wanted—offer, invite positive reinforcement.” ========== “There is a point called the yoni-nadi,” he said, “in the woman, which is found inside of her: behind her pubic hair is the pubic bone. On the backside of the pubic bone—if you go inside her vagina, curl your finger back against her pubic bone—there is erectile tissue there that swells up. About two square inches of it. When the area is activated, the point comes to the surface and manifests in vaginal orgasms. It is the point that connects ‘down there’ to your brain—so many neural circuits are there. This is the South Pole of the clitoris, which in turn is the north side of her sexual energy.” Caroline Muir demonstrated sacred spot massage technique by curling forward the index and middle fingers of her left hand. She demonstrated that the right hand goes on the clitoris while the left hand curls under for the “sacred spot. ========== Throughout the workshop, I noticed that whenever sacred spot massage was discussed, it was presented as a practice more about releasing emotion than primarily about accessing pleasure. ========== “how to be present for a woman as she releases whatever she needs to release—to stand in his love even if she is raging at him. . . . The men will be trained in this art of sexual healing. . . . The encouragement, permission, and invitation from a man to express authentically whatever she’s feeling is a step to amazing foreplay, because she can actually trust you. If some damage happened to us at the hands of a man, as it has for almost every woman, we need to trust that a man can be with our bodies and our yonis without having to fuck us. It’s your hands, heart, lips, spirit that bring healing.” ========== ‘Tonight I will serve you. No matter what you look like or how big your breasts are, I will serve the Goddess in you. And the women will be asking: ‘Does Goddess move me to choose one of these men to have sacred spot massage from?’ ” ========== “Tantra,” she explained, “says that you miss the boat of love if you’re living in the left hemisphere of the brain—that love is a mystical experience that only happens in the right hemisphere. ========== Sacred spot massage, she went on, “is an activation of the second chakra and a banishing of the sexual residue of the past. All of the good reasons to be shut down—guilt, fear, shame—go into this chakra. And you learn to make love from men who never learn to make love. With this massage the question is: What part of the psyche are we going to touch? When they release that second-chakra energy, that passion for life emerges: for your kids, for your job; you become able to live all of your life with that passion.” ========== “The clitoris has analogies to the penis. It wants release. You feel better after release. ========== “When you start to awaken inside, the sacred spot area—it reveals to you more of the truth about your divinely feminine nature. ========== Taoist texts of ancient China encouraged men to suck on women’s nipples, explaining that doing so causes women’s bodies and their minds to relax; science has shown us that sucking on a woman’s nipples releases oxytocin, the relaxing hormone. ========== His website, Heartdaka.com, is intriguing. The top of the home page reads “Mike Lousada’s Sacred Sexual Healing in London,” and beneath that runs a Rumi quotation, “Your task is not to seek love, but to merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ========== Lousada soon began to guide me in Tantra 101. He had me sit before him on a cushion and engage in breathing exercises. “Feel your root chakra extend into the earth. . . . Feel it growing strong. . . . Your yoni is extending roots into the earth . . . now the roots are splitting rock.” He had me visualize each chakra, from my head to my “root chakra,” which in Tantra is the sex center Then Lousada had me stare deeply into his eyes while we breathed in unison. At the end of the breathing session, he smiled and said, “Welcome, Goddess.” ‘yoni-tapping,’ ” he said, to address the trauma stored in the genitals. For various reasons—including the fact that a body worker can’t get a license to touch the genitals—body workers don’t usually look at trauma in this part of the body, he explained. “But I start with massaging the body. . . . Then I move into working on the yoni. First I work externally. When it’s appropriate I ask if it’s okay to enter [the client] with my fingers. The yoni is a sacred space. It is the holy of holies of your body. No one may enter without your permission. I ask: ‘Goddess, may I enter?’ If I get the consent, I check with the yoni to see. I place my fingers at the entrance to the yoni. If the yoni is ready to receive me, it will draw me in. There is no need for me to push my fingers, or ‘insert’—it will actually draw me in, with a kind of reaching out or suction, if a woman is ready to receive. ========== If this [reaching-out action] doesn’t happen when a woman is having sex, she is actually dishonoring her own yoni.” He went on to say that he advises men never to go with what a woman says verbally about her readiness—never to enter “if the yoni doesn’t say yes, too.” ========== I have three types of clients. Women who come to me because they are not happy with their relationships, with their own masculine or feminine. They yearn for a masculine man but they’re not attracting that because they are ‘in their masculine’ [forced to live in an unbalanced way and drawing too much on the masculine side of their personalities] themselves.” He spoke about the pressures of modern work life on women—how it rewards them for becoming unbalanced in this way and discourages their drawing on the feminine within them. When they see him, he claimed, they restore a feminine balance and start to attract grounded, responsible, protective, masculine men. I was skeptical, and he offered to put me in touch with some of them. Lousada said that a man’s task in relation to a woman is to “hold her” as a wineglass holds wine. By now I had heard variants on this Tantric idea that a man’s role in sex is to hold and support the wildness of the woman. “The true state of women is oceanic bliss,” he said; a man needs to let a woman “move and breathe” so that she may enter “her flow.” This was getting a bit oceanic for me, so I asked him about the second category of client. Category number two, he said, “Are women who have suffered severe abuse or trauma. And they want to deal with it because it is ruining their lives.” Category three? “Sometimes my clients are women who just want to experience pleasure.” “What if you don’t find them attractive?” I asked. “There is always something beautiful about a woman,” he said, rather endearingly. He explained that some of these clients are in their fifties or sixties; some are physically challenged in various ways, or disabled; many are alone in their lives. “In a session,” he said, “I can always see something.” He says that he typically takes two or three hours for the yoni massage; he wants the woman to feel that there is no rush. This timetable struck me profoundly, as did the descriptions I had heard from the Muirs’ workshops’ time allotment (an hour and a half) for “yoni massage” alone. This was obviously a completely different idea of the relationship of female pleasure to the allotment of time than the one we inherit in the West. “Isn’t that a little long?” I asked. “I can imagine that if you tell an average man that he needs to take two or three hours to pay attention to the woman in that way, he will immediately look around for the remote control,” I joked. ========== he could project his Shakti (male) energy into every part of his body—including his hands, his fingers—and that that was what caused the effect of his touch. He was tracing, he explained, the meridian lines of my body—lines of energy, or chi, that Eastern medicine believes form a network between chakra points—with the tips of his fingers. There was some inexplicable kinetic charge. ========== “When a woman feels safe, she allows herself to herself—not to me—and to her orgasmic pleasure. A man takes four minutes to reach orgasm on average,” Lousada noted again, “a woman, sixteen minutes. “We [men] need to make women feel safe if we want them to respond orgasmically. We need some rudimentary knowledge of where to touch and how—simple anatomy, and sensitivity. the man addresses, with caresses and care, the “gatekeeper,” the outer vagina and labia, and awaits permission for further entry, whether by hand, tongue, or penis; ========== When Lousada was gazing deeply into a client’s eyes, he was stimulating the neurobiological response prepared in women by eye gazing as they instinctively seek, as both genders do, to gauge from dilated pupils a possible partner’s health and arousal levels.1 When he said, “Welcome, Goddess,” he was destressing her, reassuring her on the level of her autonomic nervous system (ANS) that she was sexually safe—respected Lousada’s non-goal-oriented, nonpressured stroking boosts the positive female cycle of heightened relaxation to heightened arousal. ========== Both Tantra and contemporary science confirm that there is a pulse in the vagina. When you draw women’s attention to the delicate, ever-present, distinctive pulse in the vagina, they can note it in most circumstances, and certainly often in nonsexual contexts as well. “I felt the vaginal pulse when my boyfriend and I were grocery shopping in a supermarket and he remembered—I had forgotten—that we needed cat food for my cat.” “I felt the pulse when my husband took me out to dinner on my birthday and he drew out my chair for me.” ========== Many of the women’s responses to these questions showed that while a man’s ability to offer emotional security and caring can have erotic effects on straight women, so, too, can the promise of a man’s capacity for creativity and for adventure or risk. ========== The quality of women’s orgasms is measurably affected by lighting and by the “coziness” and beauty of the surroundings in which they are making love. Lousada had started his session by seating the “Goddess,” whomever she might be, next to an altar filled with flowers, and before a beautiful tangka, or embroidered sacred tapestry. He also lit candles. Tantric texts always advise couples to make certain that lovemaking takes place in a setting in which there is beauty and order: to put a lotus or other flowers in water near the bed, and burn incense in front of an elegantly appointed shrine full of lovely pictures or statues. ========== When they have to do all the romantic “work,” they are angry because they are rightly perceiving that their men have abdicated their role of tending to the absolutely minimally necessary tasks that continually reignite their wives’ desire for them. They are angry because they know the men will want sex later, but they feel that the men have stopped valuing the wives’ own arousal. Bring home a rose. Make the restaurant reservation. Tidy the bedroom. Light the candle. ========== Either they are extremely well treated sexually, or, if solo, treat themselves well sexually—or else they are at risk of becoming physically uncomfortable and emotionally irritable. ========== This suggests that when women are climaxing they lose an awareness of a separate self, lose self-consciousness, find it hard to self-censor—as when a woman can’t help vocalizing, for instance, in a hotel room with thin walls, even if she will be embarrassed after lovemaking that she has caused a ruckus. This finding “implies absence of moral judgment and self-referential thought” They made the point that for women, unlike for men, orgasm leads to a state that feels like a loss of a certain kind of regulated consciousness, or a loss of a certain kind of self. when women have orgasms they are indeed biologically designed to find them reinforcing—to want more and more and more. Women know that they go into something like a trance state during really powerful sex, and this trance state is an encounter with the self on another, higher level. through this sexual experience, she is awakening and engaging with profoundly important dimensions of her own self. ========== The smell of men has powerful effects on the mood, hormonal levels, and even fertility of heterosexual women. Chen concluded that her findings bolster the idea that humans do communicate via subconscious chemical signals. To me this finding also suggests that women’s bodies know categorically and uncompromisingly when a man is or is not sexually interested in them It is not just men’s arousal levels that women can subconsciously smell. Another study shows that women are attracted to the underarm sweat of men whose DNA is unlike theirs, and repelled by the smell of men whose DNA is too much like theirs. Anecdotally, many therapists say these young wives tell them identical stories: they feel suddenly that they have married the wrong man; specifically, the young wives report that they can’t bear their husbands’ smell. It is heterosexual women, not men, who are calmed by the opposite sex’s pheromones. However, if straight women can’t smell men often or closely enough, they are both more sexually apathetic and more stressed. ========== What is the unifying element for dancing, cuddling, and hugging, and why are they all vital for heterosexual women? They all have to do with activating the secret life of the male armpit, and its relationship to heterosexual female desire. ========== When Lousada begins a Tantra session, he spends many minutes—perhaps ten; it felt like an eternity to me—face-to-face with his client, gazing directly and searchingly into her eyes. this deep exchange of gazing very profound in creating an atmosphere that supported the feminine. the importance of gazing into one another’s eyes in intimate contexts: since pupil dilation means sexual arousal. Many women read deep eye-to-eye gazing from a man as sexy. Data show a marked drop in marital satisfaction after the birth of a first child—and babies are evolutionarily programmed to seek the caregiver’s gaze and lock in on it. Might it be that some new mothers—starved of deep gazing from their husbands—are more at risk of being drawn into a charmed circle of mutual gazing with their babies, which leaves out the man? ========== day-to-day stressor for straight women living with men they love is male silence. Many studies have confirmed the difference between male and female brains when it comes to verbal processing: women have far greater levels of activity between the two hemispheres of their brains, thus leading women to have a far higher interest in talking, This, I believe, is why so many marital fights take place just when both members of a couple have entered the house after a day’s work—her brain is agitated and desperate to talk things through, which is how it calms down and feels better, while his is desperate to have some downtime doing nothing, or in front of the TV, which is how his brain calms down and feels better. She feels bored, thwarted, if he won’t or can’t just keep talking to her—and he feels invaded by her need to talk. These important books advise women to understand the male stress response—men get “flooded” by too much emotional processing, and need to withdraw “To this day,” he writes, “the male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress.” ========== since soothing behaviors during conflict itself are very difficult for male neurobiology to accomplish. ========== found that after only ten minutes of stroking, a woman’s body produces oxytocin—the chemical that, you recall, strengthens affection and trust. The women’s blood pressure levels also dropped significantly as they were being stroked When a man strokes or hugs his partner it seems to stimulate an increase in levels of oxytocin which tends to lower blood pressure.” So, many heterosexual women really do need to be caressed by their men in order to stay calm and healthy, much more than men may think is natural or reasonable, based on their own differing physical needs. have been telling the man to stroke the woman when he is bringing up a subject that causes her anxiety. “When my husband rubs my feet in a nonsexual way when I am tired at the end of the day or stressed from work,” wrote Theresa, from Arizona, “it makes me much more interested and open sexually at other times and makes the feeling between us much more intimate.” Women, too, cautioned that if this stroking was attempted in the context of a fight, it would seem to them manipulative. they are stroked every day, or even caressed many times a day. It will also make these women feel significantly more relaxed. By lowering their blood pressure, men’s stroking the women they love regularly can even help protect ========== It is evolutionarily negative for women to bond with violent or scarily unpredictable men. ========== “It’s very simple, in a way,” he said. “It’s not rocket science. I want men to have two pieces of advice. One: be patient and compassionate. ========== noted earlier, the average man climaxes in four minutes whereas the average woman requires sixteen. ========== The other thing men should remember is that women have two sexual centers, the clitoris and the G-spot.” those Tantric four-star never-ending orgasms, by actually directing themselves to relax and lose consciousness during sacred spot stimulation—to their surprise, this can make the orgasm come in sequential inexhaustible waves—rather than tensing up and focusing on sexual thoughts or fantasies, which women tend to do to secure clitoral orgasms (and which Western images of sexuality model). ========== We’ve seen throughout the course of this book that sexual satisfaction and regular orgasm foster a woman’s creativity, confidence, and sense of self. ========== TELL HER SHE’S BEAUTIFUL If a woman thinks her partner sees other women as more attractive, she will not be able to relax fully, because she will be anticipating competition for resources and protection that she needs for her own offspring. But if a man assures a woman often that she is, to him, “the most beautiful,” a woman’s ANS can send the message: it is safe here. She can’t worry about her cellulite or how long she is taking to climax or about her smell “down there.” All of that is easier if a woman feels admired and cherished, which is where “You are so beautiful” comes in. For the ANS to be completely activated, a women ideally should feel, in short, not just beautiful, but actually, ideally, like “the most beautiful”—and this is where that unfamiliar “Goddess” language comes in. Why do Mike Lousada and other Tantric gurus say, at the very start of their sexual contact with a woman: “Welcome, Goddess,” and engage in seduction rituals that address “the Goddess” in the woman? Why a Goddess? Goddesses are powerful; those around them hold them in reverence. Goddesses do not need to doubt themselves, their value, or their allure—they can even be a bit self-absorbed—so they can allow permission to go on the trance journey inward identified by Georgiadis’s team. And Goddesses are entitled, without anxiety or guilt or self-reproach, to high levels of attention and pleasure. Tantra 101 that when heterosexual men treat women like Goddesses—overtly—in various ways, even very everyday and manageable ways, simply verbalizing their admiration, telling them how uniquely precious they are, how beautiful they are—“the most beautiful,” in their eyes ========== DON’T BE SCARY, BUT DON’T BE BORING The data we saw above on hormone fluctuations during the menstrual cycle show that when we are ovulating, we are attracted to high-testosterone, risk-taking, unpredictable males— and when we are not ovulating, we are drawn to nurturing, safer, more reliable mates. The really beloved bad boys of women’s literature don’t bully or abuse the heroine, but they continually provoke and tease her— they are teasing her to release her own latent wildness. His male “badness” is simply the projected dark anima of her own unacknowledged wild self. women say why they left solid, stable marriages, or committed adultery against good, devoted, faithful men, is that they were bored. women have confided to me that the reason they left or strayed is that they “couldn’t stand” the sexual boredom caused by the good, safe, nice, predictable man. The men who were being left, or deceived, by the women who told me their stories were all incredibly nice; but they had stopped relating intellectually to the women in their lives from a condition of growth or adventure. They had stopped bringing seduction and drama into the marital bed. They had stopped seeing the women in their lives as if the women themselves needed excitement and drama within the relationship and were themselves not to be taken for granted. believe that women’s monthly need for drama in intimate settings means that when men do not provide it in positive forms, heterosexual women tend to become provocative and bitchy so By becoming so changeless, so predictable, many husbands lock themselves into the staid, less sexy, provider role in women’s psyches, and they abandon the provocateur role—leaving nothing to fire the imagination or the SNS during the times of the months when a woman craves adventure, the “dance,” and excitement. Vacation sex is so arousing because of the novelty and unpredictability of the setting, which boost the SNS in “Some women can’t quite reach orgasm without activation of the SNS produced by, say, a spanking or by hair pulling,” strikes me that this nonweird explanation for a bit of aggression being exciting to some women may explain many women’s attraction to rape fantasies and other kinds of role playing, Because the husband never told his wife where they were going—he only told her to pack some clothes for warm weather, and a swimsuit. blindfolded her while they got onto the plane. His steadiness, combined with his sense of fun, risk taking, and surprise, activate both sets of her needs at all times of the month. But it may mean that one way to keep a woman interested and faithful for life, if you are a man, is to never give up your role as seducer, and to never stop growing, changing, and finding little and big ways to surprise her. Both archetypes of the male are there to provoke her, to get all her complex and continually shifting carnal and evolutionary needs met; and it may be her challenge in her real life to build enough excitement and unpredictability into her “safe” relationship, or to secure enough safety and emotional commitment in contexts in which the risky mastery that may attract her is what prevails. ========== DO WHATEVER SHE LIKES TO HER NIPPLES Whatever she likes you to do to her nipples—do it the way she likes it, and as much as she likes. nipple stimulation releases oxytocin, which will make a woman feel that the world is a good place, that love exists, that it is meaningful, I find anecdotally is that women want their nipples touched, pinched, or sucked by men they love or like. They can have very hot sex with men they do not like, but many women reported to me finding those men’s touches of, or suckling upon, their nipples unbearable. making the woman, in short, feel bonded to the person suckling her nipples. wish to feel attached and trusting, engage with their breasts. to whom they do not wish to feel attached and trusting, engage with their breasts. Because of oxytocin, women are both aroused and relaxed by a lover’s sucking on their nipples. have hot anonymous sex with some guy they may not trust, but don’t want to fall in love with him—they would be well advised to discourage him from interacting with their nipples. “Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone, luteinizing hormone, prolactin, and several types of prostaglandins. All of these hormones,” they claim, “have potential mood-altering abilities and can be absorbed into a woman’s bloodstream through the vaginal walls. ========== YOU WILL INADVERTENTLY DRIVE HER CRAZY IF YOU IGNORE THE GODDESS ARRAY In their worldview, it is the man who must tend the fire; the man who, in Mike Lousada’s terms, must “hold” the woman. vagina eager and ready for lovemaking is the by-product of a complex and dynamic process between two people, a process that unfolds over all twenty-four hours of the day, in which the man has, in Tantric terms, done many other apparently nonsexual things to “stoke the fire.” A straight woman who lives day to day in close relationship to a man who attends well to the Goddess Array—who, in the midst of all the other responsibilities of his life, doesn’t forget to give her a strong, warm hug when he comes home from work in the evening, who doesn’t skip taking Because of the idiosyncracies of the female system, creating this uniquely relaxing and stimulating environment is more the task of the man than of the woman (she has other emotional responsibilities if his biochemistry is to be taken into account). ========== mammals—that there is a physiological “point of no return” for females experiencing bad sex with males—a vanishing point, if you like, related to female sexual disappointment, after which a positive connection with a mate is not physiologically recoverable. The conclusion? There is some point at which your female partner won’t want to have sex with you in the not-distant future if you give her bad sex enough in the recent past.” ========== What new name, among many, did some women, given the chance to categorize their own orgasms in their own language, give to one kind of sexual experience? The name: “Showers of stars.” ========== Female sexuality was everywhere, doing nothing less than nurturing and sustaining the entire world; doing nothing less than nurturing and sustaining us, humanity. ==========
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BOOKS
Sept 16, 2018 5:35:03 GMT
Post by Ceran on Sept 16, 2018 5:35:03 GMT
Attraction Isn't A Choice (David DeAngelo)
========== At the beginning, I mentioned three qualities: Funny, Confident, and Mysterious. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 536-537 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:32:57
Ironically, the way to get her approval is to not need it in the first place – and make SURE that she’s aware of this ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 566-570 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:35:56
Women, on the other hand, can be talking to a friendly, handsome man who appears to have his act together, and because his shoes don’t match his belt think: “Well, if he doesn’t realize that belt and shoes should match, then he obviously doesn’t understand fashion… and if he and I ever got into a relationship I’d always have to worry about him showing up looking like a fashion crime in front of my friends. I’ll bet he doesn’t take care of his house either. He’s probably not aware of what’s cool in general. He’d be way too much work.” ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 588-589 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:37:20
The part of her mind that looks for potential mates wants to know if you’re a man who understands what it takes to trigger the feeling of ATTRACTION inside of her. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 597-599 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:38:10
An attractive woman wants a guy who is experienced enough to know how to deal with a woman’s tests, moods, and drama—and who is comfortable being around attractive women. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 601-603 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:38:37
A man who isn’t nervous, uncomfortable, in need of approval, or insecure who won’t try to please her or with her affection with gifts… A man who understands how to control his emotions and how to be totally calm and cool in all situations. Finally, she wants a man who is totally self-confident and knows ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 600-603 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 02:38:45
between being intelligent, nice or “good” and being the challenging, attractive man of her dreams… A man who isn’t nervous, uncomfortable, in need of approval, or insecure who won’t try to please her or with her affection with gifts… A man who understands how to control his emotions and how to be totally calm and cool in all situations. Finally, she wants a man who is totally self-confident and knows that he can have whatever he wants in life. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 882-884 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 05:41:48
you don’t make your approach during that first brief moment, you probably never will. Jumping over this crucial hurdle is the most important and most difficult step to take in beginning to succeed in dating. Hesitate ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 905-906 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 05:45:02
It’s a process called 'conditioning', which means that you've done it repeatedly and trained to automatically react in this way every time you're in the same situation. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 918-920 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 05:45:53
One of my friends who’s absolutely killer with the ladies has a simple goal whenever he interacts with a woman: just make her smile. He’s not trying for home base on his initial approach; all he wants is to add a bright moment to their day and get a smile. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 920-921 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 05:46:11
And he always expects the woman to enjoy the interaction. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1009-1011 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:37:03
Once they’ve had sex with a woman, a lot of guys feel a series of obligations to her, e.g. continuing to talk to, see, date and develop a serious relationship with her. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1013-1015 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:37:22
You need to be totally able to enjoy a moment with a woman, be physical, whatever, without further expectation, and then be okay with expecting her to be able to just enjoy a moment as well. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1053-1054 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:39:36
They called this trait “Speed Of Implementation”. What this means is that when they got a new idea, something they thought would work better, they started using it immediately. They ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1058-1059 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:39:59
When you get a good idea write it down, plan how you’re going to use it, and then start using it immediately. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1084-1086 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:42:12
Here's what to do: Decide that you're going to start a conversation, no matter how short, with EVERY SINGLE WOMAN THAT YOU MEET FROM NOW ON. (Bag ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1086-1087 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:42:20
personally make it a habit to tease and have fun with EVERY woman that I meet just to keep myself CONDITIONED. I like humor, as you know... ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1094-1095 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 06:43:27
Are you with me? I'm teasing, flirting, and having fun ALL THE TIME. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1156-1157 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:09:51
People who make the decision to become exceptional and then go do what it takes to be exceptional aren’t affected by averages. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1159-1160 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:10:33
Most people walk through the world seeking permission and approval from other people in a million different ways. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1165-1165 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:10:55
Unusually successful people lead the way with their own decisions. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1175-1176 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:11:40
We each have literally hundreds of genetically determined drives, unconscious cycles, and patterns inside of us, most of which operate without our awareness. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1176-1177 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:11:54
By studying twins reared apart, scientists have discovered genes for everything from addictive behavior to being overweight to homosexuality. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1182-1183 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:13:00
The brain has developed gradually, but through stages which the “Triune Brain” theory usefully separates into three distinct phases… ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1186-1189 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:13:18
The earliest stage is the ‘reptile brain’. This part of the brain handles our physical activities, such as coordinating movement and directing responses to certain stimuli. Just like a lizard scampering away when it senses a threatening shadow, we automatically recoil from physical pain. This is the part of the brain that regulates all the unconscious physical processes continually at work in our bodies, such as heart beat, breathing, digestion, etc. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1190-1191 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:13:28
The middle stage is the ‘mammal brain’. This part is responsible for our emotional responses. Our emotions are obvious to us, but you can also see them in Fido’s energetic tail-wagging when you come back from vacation. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1192-1194 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:13:50
While the reptile brain pulls us away from negative stimuli and towards positive stimuli that are programmed instinctually, emotions give us the ability to develop quickly the appropriate response to new situations we encounter. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1194-1195 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:09
Emotions are a way to carry pain and pleasure inside of us. Instead of relying solely on physical responses, we also use related emotional responses to guide our reactions. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1195-1196 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:18
We avoid people who hurt us, feel disgusted by foods that make us sick, express gratitude for those who help us, and feel confident about things we can do successfully. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1196-1197 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:27
The final stage of the brain is the thinking brain, which is where our consciousness and reasoning abilities are found. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1197-1198 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:33
the thinking brain lets us evaluate in advance the desirability of an experience. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1198-1199 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:46
We can learn to avoid electrocution by being warned about it or seeing someone else suffer this fate, and we can learn to hunt or cook from the explanation and examples shown by others. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1199-1201 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:14:53
The reptile, physical brain is responsible for what we commonly think of as “body”. The mammal, emotional, brain we typically consider “heart”, and the thinking brain is what we’re really referring to by “mind”. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1202-1204 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:15:15
First we developed basic responses to current body sensations like hunger and touch, then we developed the more complex response to past sensations in emotions like happiness and sadness, and finally we developed the startling ability to respond to the possible future with thought. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1208-1209 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:15:44
Conflicts between the different drives of the parts of our brain often cause us inner conflict. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1213-1214 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:16:18
We would like to believe that the logical, thinking part of our brain is in control, but it’s actually the older brains that control the newer brains for their own ends. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1218-1219 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:16:55
Our thinking brain often finds a way to justify what the earlier brains want instead of objectively evaluating the situation. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1221-1222 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:17:20
But a study examining the different images of beauty throughout history found that a common hip-to-waste ratio of 0.7—a ratio which happens to be ideal for bearing children. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1223-1225 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:17:37
Realizing that the mind is being pushed and pulled by three different brains and their correspondingly different agendas is key to understanding the ways in which attraction differs based on you’d expect if the rational brain alone were involved. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1242-1244 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:19:08
The truth is that attraction is a combination of a physical and an „2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo ::: 67 ::: emotional response—which triggers a state of mind rooted in the mammalian and reptilian brains… NOT the thinking brain! ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1245-1245 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:19:13
Emotions are basically chemical reactions in the bloodstream and brain. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1245-1247 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:19:24
Fear, for example, is the feeling that occurs when something triggers our sense of danger. We release adrenaline into our system to raise our alertness and to prepare us to face the situation. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1253-1255 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:20:10
is VERY important that you remember that women experience strong, overwhelming feelings of attraction too. And it’s very important for you to learn how to TRIGGER these powerful physical and emotional responses… because you’re not going to “talk her into” feeling them. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1295-1296 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:22:31
make sure she gets the best “reproductive value” ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1281-1282 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 08:22:41
By the way, Geoffrey Miller wrote a book called “The Mating Mind”. If you like this stuff, read that book. It’s mind-blowing. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1353-1354 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:21:12
On the other hand, when you don’t lead with Wussy behavior… when you lead instead with challenging, cocky and funny, interesting behavior, you’re communicating that you don’t need her or anything else… that you’re incredibly valuable “as-is”. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1404-1405 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:24:54
But if you can exhibit the right pattern of behavior and communication, you can trigger the physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION… ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1418-1420 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:27:12
his book “Body Language” Julius Fast talks about a great pick-up artist named Mike, who does several unacceptable things when he picks up women. He invades their body space just slightly looks at them in very sexual ways when he talks, etc. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1426-1426 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:27:42
But if you hold eye contact until she looks away, it establishes an unconscious level of power and control. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1439-1440 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:29:13
Actually, just being the best man you can be for yourself is the answer. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1449-1450 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 13:30:03
Remember, a woman’s constant game-playing is her way of testing for strength and integrity… and ensuring that you’re really who you say you are. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1605-1606 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:02:10
After a lot of trial and error, I started to realize that when my body language and voice tone were correct, I could say ALMOST ANYTHING to women, and they would feel ATTRACTION. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1611-1613 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:03:01
Let’s say you’re talking to a woman using confident body language, teasing, and building sexual tension. You have good eye contact, you’re indifferent, and she’s interested. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1619-1620 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:03:52
And most of the guys I know who are chick MAGNETS hold themselves in a way that says, “I'm the dominant male in this situation... I own this place.” ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1623-1624 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:04:48
suck in your stomach, hold your head up and back, pull your shoulders back, arch your back... and generally hold yourself like you're the most powerful person you've ever seen or heard of… ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1629-1629 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:05:09
Everything James does is a little slower than it should be. He's just too cool. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1630-1631 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:05:24
Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions slowly, and how to gesture slowly. This makes a huge impact on how others perceive you. This kind of body language transmits the message: "I'm so comfortable in my own skin, it hurts." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1635-1637 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:06:53
Pupil dilation is a fascinating example of innate body language. The more dilated your pupils are, the more light they allow into your eyes. If you’re staring close to something, you’ll see it much better. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1646-1647 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:07:09
A “master” communicator who understands these concepts at all levels, who both understands and controls this innate level of body language, is unbelievably attractive to women. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1652-1653 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:07:32
To establish dominance, you have to learn to hold eye contact for longer than her. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1653-1653 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:07:38
If you see a woman that you find attractive, and she looks back at you, DON'T LOOK AWAY. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1654-1655 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:07:54
If you want to communicate all the right things, you need to show IMMEDIATELY that you're not afraid and that you're not at all self-conscious about the fact that you are checking her out. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1656-1657 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:08:11
good exercise is to walk through a mall for a few hours and look DIRECTLY at every woman you see. Walk into every store, and look directly into the eyes of every single woman you encounter... and DON'T LOOK AWAY UNTIL AFTER SHE DOES. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1659-1663 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:08:42
1) I'll look directly at them at the beginning of the conversation and only glance away a few times (so I don't look like a psycho...). This shows that I'm not AFRAID of them and that they have my attention for the moment. 2) If the conversation progresses, I'll break the eye contact by looking away, talking to other people, allowing myself to be distracted, etc. and then coming back to look directly at them. This shows that I am not needy (again, not looking at them like a psycho). ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1663-1665 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:09:02
time for tea or whatever, I actually won’t look at them very much, but instead prefer to act like more of a “best friend.” I'll joke around and have fun, but not act too serious. By doing this, it creates a question in her mind: “Does ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1663-1665 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:09:10
3) When I get together with a girl for the first time for tea or whatever, I actually won’t look at them very much, but instead prefer to act like more of a “best friend.” I'll joke around and have fun, but not act too serious. By doing this, it creates a question in her mind: “Does he like me?” ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1665-1666 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:09:20
Use enough eye contact so that it's clear to her that you're not AFRAID of her, but not so much that you intrude on her space. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1671-1672 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:09:50
If you want to attract beautiful women, you're going to need to take a few lessons from Barry White. Learn how to speak with a deeper voice. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1672-1673 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:09:56
Learn to speak from down in your chest and stomach. Add more bass to your voice. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1673-1673 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:10:02
Also, learn how to speak slower... and how to articulate every word better. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1673-1674 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:10:08
Become comfortable pausing... it creates anticipation. Most guys talk too much, too fast, and feel like they need to talk because they're nervous. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1674-1675 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:10:25
Don't do it! Learn to lean back, relax, and become comfortable with the tension that comes from silence. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1688-1690 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:11:51
An arrogant attitude combined with humor distinguishes a guy from the average because it reveals that he neither thinks he needs to earn a woman’s attention through flattery nor that he even needs her attention in the first place. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1708-1710 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:13:48
Women value inspiration, naturalness, the romance of chance and fantasy, etc. Women have romantic stories in their head that, when played out in real life, are very powerful: going to the beach and getting on a swing, chivalry, a man who is dominant, etc. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1793-1793 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:38:41
woman wants someone that can make her feel. Feeling both good and bad is much more rewarding than feeling nothing, which ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1794-1795 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:38:53
Being unpredictable makes you more fun and interesting to be around. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1819-1821 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:40:42
As long as you appear to know what the ‘normal’ way is but have actively chosen to be different, you’re expressing self-confidence on a very subtle level. To act differently than what’s normally expected means that you are strong and value your own beliefs. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1826-1827 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:41:20
A guy who lives in his own reality doesn’t care what others think of him, and he doesn’t take it as a personal reflection of himself if others don’t like him. He doesn’t care. He is the leader in his own life. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1830-1831 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:41:44
Just as being “Cocky & Funny” communicates that you value yourself at least as much you value a woman, not conforming reveals that you value yourself at least as much as you value society. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1853-1854 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:43:34
People who thought of themselves as normal accepted his rejection and perhaps resignedly agreed with the situation. People who thought they were exceptional had the self-confidence to disagree with him ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1876-1877 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:45:36
When two people meet, the first thing they’re unconsciously searching for who’s going to be in control. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1877-1878 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:45:46
We look to see who shakes hands harder, who holds eye contact longer, who accepts what the other person is saying quicker, or who uses submissive body language. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1888-1888 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:46:30
·I'm confident, comfortable in my own skin (posture, breath, ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1889-1890 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:46:39
·I'm a good communicator—especially of what I want. ·I'm in control and don't let outside events destabilize me. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1887-1887 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:46:46
The mindset and belief system that leads to naturally being in control contains the following “affirmations”: ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1890-1899 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:47:13
·I'm not needy... I keep my power for me. ·I think sex is great and have no hang-ups. ·I'm comfortable around women. ·I can control myself and can wait patiently. ·I don't tolerate disrespect of myself, my time, or my property. ·I'm a catch. ·I'm not impressed by outward symbols, such as money or status. ·I may be smitten by a woman, but I don’t tell her early on, and I don't let it 'slip' indirectly. ·I don't let women use their looks or sexual power to take advantage. I give them no special privileges. ·I'm not self-conscious and could care less what others think about me. ·I put myself and my life first. ·I deserve and can hold an exceptional woman. ·I am indifferent to the outcome. ·I understand the culture, and I 'get it' - cosmo, MTV, style, food, music, humor, etc. ·I can deal with any test a woman throws at me... in fact, it's usually kind of cute. „2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1900-1903 | Added on Thursday, 19 July 2018 14:47:43
·I live in my reality, and you're a guest. ·I'm at cause in the world, not an effect. I make things happen. These are beliefs you need to possess, not beliefs you need to talk about. If you actually internalize these ideas, you will express them far more powerfully through hidden language than you could possibly do by merely saying them. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1916-1916 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:51:51
Lead the way with a calm and comfortable emotional state, and people will be naturally relaxed and at ease around you. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1958-1959 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:56:28
The worse you make your ex-girlfriends look, the lower you reveal your standards are, and the worse you make yourself look. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1959-1960 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:56:33
Since the better your past girlfriends were the better you seem, you’ll be more attractive the more positively you talk about them. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1962-1963 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:56:52
FOCUS on the positive parts of your past girlfriends, not the negative ones. Some guys think that they need to give a good ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1970-1971 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:57:36
You might think that diamonds and gold are precious and expensive because they’re ‘beautiful’, but in fact their value comes from their scarcity… ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1972-1973 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:57:47
What originally made them interesting, what originally made them beautiful, and what originally made people WANT them was that there was nothing else like ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1977-1977 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:58:16
To keep yourself valued and attractive, keep yourself rare. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1984-1985 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:59:02
If you want to create attraction inside of a woman, you have to get used to the idea of never being tamed, caught, “gotten”, or owned. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1985-1987 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 01:59:18
This entire concept requires that you do things exactly opposite of what your emotions may tell you. You may be having a great conversation on the telephone and every fiber of your being wants to keep talking, but to increase the attraction you need to hang up and leave her on a high note, wanting more. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 1998-1999 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:00:27
Still, understanding that addiction once served to keep us pursuing uncertain valuable rewards shows us a way to intensify women’s attraction to us: Don’t constantly do overly-nice things! ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2000-2002 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:00:44
If you want a woman to be “addicted” to you, then you need to mix it up. Don’t buy her things, write her notes, and give her flowers every single time you see her when you first meet her. Wait. Do it when it’s least expected and then wait until she doesn’t expect it again. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2002-2003 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:00:53
This is the way to not only make her think about you more, but also the way to make her want and appreciate the nice things you do for her… ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2010-2011 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:01:27
What this implies is that to keep someone interested in you, and even to make them obsessed with you, you must stay unpredictable. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2027-2029 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:02:58
The key is in holding back a detail at the first opportunity, whether it’s your age, „2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo ::: 113 ::: profession, or name. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2033-2034 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:03:24
How about making someone want something new, by giving it to them and then taking it away? ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2039-2040 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:04:05
What I'm talking about is DELIBERATELY stopping when things are WORKING in order to ACCELERATE the process. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2037-2038 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:04:09
"TAKING TWO STEPS FORWARD AND ONE STEP BACK." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2043-2044 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:04:32
you're doing something that you can tell she likes, stop doing it, then wait a while and start doing it again. This on/off/on/off sequence is ULTRA powerful in creating a magnetic ATTRACTION inside of ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2044-2045 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:04:41
I personally believe that two factors that AMPLIFY a woman's ATTRACTING to a man are the concepts of TENSION and ANTICIPATION. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2047-2048 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:04:54
Tension is that feeling inside that makes you sit on the edge of your seat, and anticipation is that feeling in your chest that you get when you know something exciting could happen at any minute. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2060-2061 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:06:16
"I know that I could make a move right now, but I CHOOSE not. I'm going to keep you guessing... make no mistake about it, I'M IN CONTROL OF MYSELF here." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2064-2064 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:06:38
Simple. Just notice when she likes something that you're doing, and then stop. Lean back. Tease a little bit. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2065-2066 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:06:50
If you've started holding her hand and you can tell that she likes it, STOP. Take your hand away for a few minutes, then talk about something else. Just when she doesn't know if you're going to do it again, take her hand again. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2078-2080 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:08:30
Once you start spending time together, make sure you leave her alone from time to time to do something by yourself. This concept can be as simple as walking away ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2081-2082 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:08:44
Attraction requires space. You aren’t attracted to things that you either have or know you can have at any time. Why don’t most people who live in New ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2092-2094 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:52:37
In your reality, your needs come first and you may decide to let her spend some time in your reality—but ultimately you have control. In your reality, you have the burden of making the decisions but this is one thing you can do for her which she’ll appreciate without making it look like you need her more than she needs you. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2094-2096 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:52:48
think it’s important to let girls know that you have a life, that you're busy, and that you put yourself before them. This makes them want to be around you. It makes them want to do things to make you happy ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2106-2107 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:53:47
The key to starting a conversation with a woman is your body language, facial expression, and voice tone. No magic pickup line is going to work if you’re ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2112-2114 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:54:31
My perspective is that you can start a conversation with a nice compliment, or a throw-away question like, "What are you drinking?" And as soon as the conversation starts, GO INTO COCKY AND FUNNY MODE AND START TEASING HER LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2122-2123 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:55:18
Attractive men take the attitude “Whatever it is, I can deal with ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2131-2132 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:56:04
Leaders establish themselves because they communicate confidence in themselves and their decisions. They do it in a lot of ways. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2132-2134 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:56:18
They’re not followers, so they don’t hesitate because of differences in other people’s opinions. When they express their ideas, they’re not seeking approval but describing their reality. They make direct eye contact, stand tall, offer a firm handshake, and speak in an authoritative tone of voice. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2137-2138 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:56:50
Automatically withdrawing from an accidental touch, instead of proving you’re okay with it by prolonging it for a moment, screams of insecurity. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2141-2142 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:57:16
Leaders need a direction to pursue. All the great men in history have had massive beliefs that motivated amazing feats. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2143-2143 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:57:32
Knowing what you want and actually making an effort to get it is very strong and sexy to women. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2151-2152 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:58:17
While it’s attractive to have passion in your life, getting too emotional too early about a woman or sex can backfire. Being obsessive or overly romantic can lead to being taken for granted as a needy wuss. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2157-2158 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:58:50
Women will always test, because they must. How else can they know for sure if you’re really, really, really the real man you appear to be? They’re ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2159-2159 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:59:01
losing your composure is one of the fastest ways to lose a woman. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2160-2160 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 02:59:07
Being upset or angry is unpleasant to be around and reveals insecurity in you. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2181-2183 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:01:48
There's a distinction between being treating a woman like she's “a princess who's a guest in your reality" and acting like she's "the queen in the center of this reality." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2193-2194 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:14:05
They’re uncertain about what they want—they feel both a sexual urge and a social restraint. Teasing ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2194-2195 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:14:14
Find ways to move forwards and then step back again a little. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2197-2197 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:14:30
Be OK with sex and project the balance of thinking that sex is perfectly okay and yet not needing to have it. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2197-2198 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:17:25
Amplify attraction during the date, but keep an uncertain energy alive by never showing desire too seriously. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2209-2210 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:18:30
We are attracted to those we can’t quite understand or control, and those that somehow challenge our reach. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2212-2214 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:19:04
Here’s a good rule of thumb: Don’t even THINK about a relationship until date 10. This frame makes things much easier. Your position of, “I always wait at least 10 dates to see if this is something that I might consider taking to a deeper level” is extremely powerful. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2218-2220 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:19:35
Most women are looking for the leader, who is the impenetrable decision maker. Nothing she says has or CAN have any effect on him. A challenge, one she can keep testing. Her genes are looking for this NATURAL disposition because this kind of guy is more likely to have offspring that will also have dominant qualities. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2224-2225 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:20:04
The point is not to be mean, but to maintain a high level of self-respect while having fun. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2234-2236 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:20:51
Improve your looks to their best, adopt a cocky & funny indifferent attitude of self-confidence, and incorporate the related body language. Your voice tone needs to be naturally suspicious, cool, slow, and deep when dealing with these women. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2237-2239 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:21:13
Revere yourself. Put a very high value on yourself, your time, your attention, and your approval of things: “If you’re nice you’ll get my attention and approval. If you’re not, then I have no time for you.” The Attitude May Sometimes ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2245-2252 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 03:22:23
Summary of the Attitude • Be cool, calm, and collected. „2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo ::: 125 ::: • Don’t be weak and tentative. • Make your own decisions and then act on them confidently. • Don’t seek approval and treat difficult attitudes with indifference. • Don’t let things impress you easily. • Don’t get all self-conscious about your mistakes. Acknowledge them with light humor but don’t try to hide or excuse them. • Never excuse your behavior and don’t say, "Oh, I'm sorry." Instead, have fun and blame mistakes on her. • Don’t be always checking whether or not she’s happy. Allow her to take care of herself or come to you when she wants help. • Adopt a "so, entertain me" attitude and ask her to make an effort for you. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2269-2270 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 06:22:25
Constantly treating her like you’re lucky to have her isn’t ATTRACTIVE, ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2275-2276 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 06:35:44
In other words, women don't choose who they're attracted to. They respond to behaviors, communication, confidence, and other triggers. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2283-2285 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 06:36:44
Why do attractive women feel attraction for challenging men? Because they don’t just give her what she wants—she has to earn what she gets, and because they don’t put up with her BS—they’re focused on enjoying their own life and not sympathizing with whining. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2337-2338 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 06:41:50
It’s VERY important to create ATTRACTION from the beginning and don’t concern yourself with the things that lead to affection. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2387-2390 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 06:46:11
Now, here's where romance fits into the puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider to be "romantic" all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about... nothing to think about... there is no challenge or mystery at all. On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside... and cause her to work even harder to ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2467-2470 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 07:01:30
We humans are attracted to things that frustrate us a little bit. And when we come across another person that seems interested, but doesn't give us exactly what we want, we start thinking about it all the time. It almost becomes a challenge to see if we can get the other person who's resisting us to give in to us. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2514-2515 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 07:05:34
Teasing, busting her balls, creating tension, playing hard to get, not giving her what she wants, being unpredictable, using cocky comedy are all ways to push the "attraction buttons" without being abusive or mean. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2634-2636 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 08:22:03
If she asks you a serious, tough question—the kind that tests for some personality trait or compatibility issue—don’t give her the answer you know would please her. Give her the wrong answer or a bad answer that she might use to disqualify you, but incorporate a slapstick remark so that she still can’t tell if you’re serious or not. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2650-2650 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 08:23:22
Whenever she says anything that could be misinterpreted sexually, accuse her of having a dirty mind. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2653-2654 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 08:23:53
Any mention she makes of “time to go home,” “time to go to bed,” etc., is an opportunity to express amused surprise at her being so forward with you. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2694-2695 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:25:21
Now, it just doesn't make sense to some guys that teasing women, busting their balls, being slightly arrogant, not kissing up to them, etc. could or should make them feel attraction. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2719-2722 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:27:05
"You are interesting enough to talk to, but you're going to have to do a lot more than just look good to impress me. Your beauty doesn't make me nervous in the slightest, I'm perfectly calm, and in fact, I'm so comfortable „2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo ::: 154 ::: that I just noticed something about ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2728-2729 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:27:43
The Formula? Just think of an arrogant comment, then make it funny. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2732-2732 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:28:15
Cocky Comedy is about being a little too confident while at the same time making people laugh. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2748-2750 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:30:20
When you're teasing and busting her balls, a woman says to herself, "This guy obviously isn't just trying to pick up on me, because he'd never say some of these things if he were..." And the more you do it, the more fun it becomes, and the more you don't have an agenda... and the more attractive you become. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2752-2755 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:30:41
One of my favorite ways to bust on a woman is to take any attribute of hers and disqualify relationship status because of it. For instance, it's always fun to ask a woman if she's rich or famous, then if she answers that she's not, tell her that she’s just messed up her chances with you and that you're not interested anymore. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2757-2757 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:31:04
"So what's with the big purse? Are you carrying a gun in there?" ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2760-2761 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:31:31
If she gives you compliments: • "Look, I'm not like other guys. This compliment thing isn't going to get you anywhere." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2761-2762 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:31:43
"Already starting with the compliments, huh? Look, let's just get this over with... go buy me the drink already." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2762-2763 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:31:49
"I'm not giving you my phone number, so just quit." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2764-2765 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:32:06
Mimic something that she's doing in a funny way. For instance, if she has really rigid posture, pull your shoulders back, sit up extra straight, and say, "I really think you should work on your posture." ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2767-2768 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 13:32:34
…the idea is to always be arrogantly funny… and to practice until you can improvise with any situation, and turn anything around. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2791-2792 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:38:00
Even if a woman reacts negatively at first, KEEP APPLYING YOUR COCKY COMEDY. Whether she gives you an insulting response or ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2791-2793 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:38:05
Even if a woman reacts negatively at first, KEEP APPLYING YOUR COCKY COMEDY. Whether she gives you an insulting response or an angry stare, you mustn’t retreat. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2794-2795 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:38:19
Surrendering your power at the first challenge is fatal. It’s almost as bad as even not approaching her in the first place. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2799-2800 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:38:51
She will get confused at first, because you’re not apologetic or defensive about having upset her. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2800-2801 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:39:00
But her mood will quickly change once she sees you’re not really trying to offend her... You’re only teasing. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2802-2804 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:39:30
Your goal is not to upset a woman, but to get under her skin enough by teasing, busting on her, and acting cocky and funny that it ignites the magical attraction mechanism. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2813-2814 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:40:27
Make jokes about her trying to pick up on you, tease her about something she is insecure about, make fun of others... just make sure it's making her laugh. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2815-2816 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:40:39
Give her a hard time and tease her about something as soon as you possibly can. Now, I'm not talking about being MEAN here. I'm talking about teasing a woman just like you might do with a family member. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2817-2818 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:40:55
Hold yourself in a way that communicates confidence, leadership, and dominance. Use good posture, move very slowly and confidently. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2818-2818 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:41:00
Don't laugh or smile very often. ========== David DeAngelo (Attraction Isn't A Choice) - Your Highlight at location 2868-2872 | Added on Friday, 20 July 2018 14:45:51
Giving her a hard time about something in a flirty way, in person, when responding to her personal ad, etc. 2. Mentioning how the relationship just doesn’t seem to be working. 3. Overly dramatic complaints about her job performance, behavior, difficultness, etc. 4. Behaving like you could take her or leave her… and like she’s just a good friend (too comfortable)… unlike all the other men who communicate that they’re awed and in wussville because they’re ==========
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BOOKS
Sept 16, 2018 5:37:19 GMT
Post by Ceran on Sept 16, 2018 5:37:19 GMT
The Charisma Myth (Cabane, Olivia Fox)
As extensive research in recent years has shown, charisma is the result of specific nonverbal behaviors,5 ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 112-113 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:37:01
Marilyn Monroe could “turn off” her charisma like flipping a switch and go completely unnoticed. To turn her charisma back on, she simply changed her body language. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 137-138 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:39:22
When people describe their experience of seeing charisma in action, whether they met Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, or the Dalai Lama, they often mention the individual’s extraordinary “presence.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 149-150 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:41:00
This book will guide you through that process. It will give you concrete tools for projecting the three crucial aspects of charisma: presence, power, and warmth. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 184-186 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:52:12
Through charisma training you will learn how to adopt a charismatic posture, how to warm up your eye contact, and how to modulate your voice in ways that make people pay attention. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 186-188 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:52:35
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation: Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod. Pause for ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 186-188 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 06:52:48
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation: Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences. Reduce how quickly and how often you nod. Pause for two full seconds before you speak. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 221-222 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 07:59:58
CHARISMATIC BEHAVIOR CAN be broken down into three core elements: presence, power, and warmth. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 224-225 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:00:18
In order to be charismatic, we need to choose mental states that make our body language, words, and behaviors flow together and express the three core elements of charisma. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 241-241 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:01:44
Being present means simply having a moment-to-moment awareness of what’s happening. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 241-242 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:01:50
It means paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your own thoughts. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 249-249 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:02:31
“Imagine that your ears are satellite dishes, passively and objectively registering sounds.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 251-252 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:02:47
Imagine that your breath is someone you want to give your full attention to. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 250-251 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:02:51
Pay attention to one breath at a time, but try to notice everything about this one breath. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 252-253 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:03:00
Your toes: Focus your attention on the sensations in your toes. This forces your mind to sweep through your body, helping you to get into the physical sensations of the moment. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 255-256 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:03:53
First, our brains are wired to pay attention to novel stimuli, whether they be sights, smells, or sounds. We’re wired to be distracted, to have our attention grabbed by any new stimulus: ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 257-259 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:04:03
Imagine two tribesmen hunting through the plains, searching the horizon for signs of the antelope that could feed their family. Something flickers in the distance. The tribesman whose attention wasn’t immediately caught? He’s not our ancestor. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 259-260 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:04:08
The second reason is that our society encourages distraction. The constant influx of stimulation we receive worsens our natural tendencies. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 259-260 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:04:14
The second reason is that our society encourages distraction. The constant influx of stimulation we receive worsens our natural tendencies. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 267-268 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:04:52
The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 268-269 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:04:56
(including preparing your next sentence). ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 269-270 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:05:04
Aim to bring yourself back to the present moment as often as you can by focusing on your breath or your toes for just a second, and then get back to focusing on the other person. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 281-282 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:06:06
By giving them just a few moments of full presence, they will feel respected and listened to. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 283-283 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:06:19
Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 285-286 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:06:39
The people you’re with feel that they have your full attention and that they are the most important thing in the world to you at that moment. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 298-299 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:07:59
Remember that every time you bring yourself back to full presence, you reap major rewards: you become more impactful, more memorable, and come across as more grounded. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 301-303 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:08:16
Being seen as powerful means being perceived as able to affect the world around us, whether through influence on or authority over others, large amounts of money, expertise, intelligence, sheer physical strength, or high social status. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 304-305 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:08:34
body language. Warmth, simply put, is goodwill toward others. Warmth tells us whether or not people will want to use whatever power they have in our favor. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 305-306 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:08:42
Being seen as warm means being perceived as any of the following: benevolent, altruistic, caring, or willing to impact our world in a positive way. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 310-312 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:09:14
Expensive clothing leads us to assume wealth, friendly body language leads us to assume good intentions, a confident posture leads us to assume the person has something to be confident about. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 312-313 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:09:21
Just by increasing your projection of power or your projection of warmth, you increase your level of charisma. But when you can project both power ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 312-312 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:09:26
In essence, people will tend to accept whatever you project. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 331-331 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:11:25
But Disraeli’s genius was his ability to make whomever he was speaking with feel intelligent and fascinating. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 341-341 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:12:14
For charisma, your body language matters far more than your words do. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 342-343 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:12:24
On the other hand, with the right body language you can be charismatic without saying a word. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 343-343 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:12:29
Projecting presence, power, and warmth through your body language is often all you need to be perceived as charismatic. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 354-355 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:13:25
our body language expresses our mental state whether we like it or not. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 355-356 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:13:31
Our facial expressions, voice, posture, and all the other components of body language reflect our mental and emotional condition every second. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 368-368 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:14:31
charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 370-370 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:14:43
your internal state is charismatic, then the right body language will flow forth effortlessly. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 371-371 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:14:53
developing the various mental states that produce charismatic body language and behaviors. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 384-385 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:16:01
Individuals with strong internal skills are aware of what exactly is happening inside them and know how to handle it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 385-386 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:16:10
They can recognize when their self-confidence has taken a hit and have the tools to get back to a confident state so that their body language remains charismatic. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 392-393 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:16:59
The internal skills necessary for charisma include both the awareness of your internal state and the tools to effectively manage ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 393-394 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:17:09
Lao Tzu reportedly said: “To know others is knowledge. To know oneself is wisdom.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 419-423 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:19:42
The mind-over-body effect also has a corresponding downside, called the nocebo effect.7 In this case, the mind creates toxic consequences in the body in reaction to completely fictional causes. In one experiment, people who knew they were extremely allergic to poison ivy were rubbed with a completely harmless leaf but told they’d been exposed to poison ivy. Every single one of them developed a rash where they had been rubbed. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 434-437 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:20:14
Because your mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality, by creating a charismatic internal state your body language will authentically display charisma. In terms of achieving charisma, your internal state is critical. Get the internal state right, and the right charismatic behaviors and body language will pour forth automatically. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 441-442 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:20:28
MICHELANGELO INSISTED THAT he never created his glorious statues—he simply revealed them. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 480-482 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:24:12
As much as you can, plan ahead to ensure you’re physically comfortable. Keeping this in mind as you make your choices every day is a simple way to make charisma easier to attain. When you’re choosing a location for a meeting, take comfort into consideration. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 488-489 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 08:25:06
How well you breathe affects how much oxygen gets to your brain, and therefore how well you perform mentally. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 496-497 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:26:05
Awareness is the second step in dealing with physical discomfort. Check in with your face from time to time; notice if it is tense. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 503-505 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:27:02
When the physical discomfort can’t be alleviated, it’s even more important to prevent other people from taking your tension personally. Take a moment to explain that you’re in discomfort due to a particular issue. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 505-506 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:27:10
Giving voice to something will generally allow both of you to move on from it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 505-506 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:27:19
Giving voice to something will generally allow both of you to move on from it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 514-517 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:28:22
Have you ever had the awful feeling that you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and finding sometimes that you’d rather hear bad news than be left in suspense? Let’s say you’ve recently become romantically involved with someone, and all of a sudden they stop returning your calls. Your brain goes into all sorts of possible explanations, obsessing about why they’ve gone silent. Haven’t you ever felt that you’d rather get a definite “It’s over” than never know the cause of their silence? ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 517-518 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:28:30
Even though the answer would be a rejection, at least then you’d know. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 541-542 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:30:54
Uncertainty registers as a tension: something that must be corrected before we can feel comfortable again. Our natural discomfort ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 551-552 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:31:50
The single most effective technique I’ve found to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 558-560 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:32:27
Take two or three deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine drawing clean air toward the top of your head. As you exhale, let that air whoosh through you, washing away all worries and concerns. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 565-567 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:33:28
The next time you feel yourself considering alternative outcomes to a situation, pay close attention. If your brain is going around in circles, obsessing about possible outcomes, try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety. Consider that there might be an all-powerful entity—the Universe, God, Fate—and entrust it with all the worries on your mind. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 596-597 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:35:56
Personally, I’ve chosen to believe in a benevolent Universe, which has a grand master plan for me (and for everything else). I’ve found this belief to suit me best; it helps me see anything that’s happening as part of this plan. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 603-604 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:36:43
Human beings are by nature driven to compare. Whenever we have an experience, we tend to compare it to our past experiences, to others’ experiences, or to our ideal image of what the experience should be. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 606-606 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:36:57
Each stage of this cycle impairs our charisma. The very act of comparing and evaluating hinders our ability to be fully present. Trying ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 619-622 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:38:01
The effects of this activation are well-known. Just as a zebra reacts to the stress of being chased by a lion, the human body shoots adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) through its veins, and directs all its resources toward crucial functions: elevated heart and breathing rates, muscle reaction, vision acuity, and so forth. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 622-625 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:38:19
minutes. It shuts down nonurgent functions such as muscle repair, digestion, and the immune system,6 as well as “superfluous” functions such as cognitive reasoning. In other words, because it’s not critical to survival, intelligent thinking gets shut down. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 660-661 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:41:42
Negativity exists to spur you to action, to either resolve the problem or get out of the situation. Feelings like fear or anxiety are designed to get you to do something. They’re uncomfortable because they’re “designed” to be uncomfortable. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 693-694 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:43:30
Skillfully handling any difficult experience is a three-step process: destigmatize discomfort, neutralize negativity, and rewrite reality. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 695-696 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:43:39
Destigmatizing an experience means reducing its power simply by understanding that it’s normal, common, and nothing to be anxious about or ashamed of. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 700-702 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:44:16
Even during unsettling life events—a major job change, a divorce, death of a loved one—when we accept a certain amount of sadness or discomfort, we often put a time limit on the acceptability of our feelings, after which point we believe that continuing to feel this way would be inappropriate. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 702-704 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:44:33
This mindset is one of the main reasons that negative thoughts, emotions, and internal experiences are difficult to handle: we feel they “shouldn’t” be happening. So not only do we feel bad, we then also feel bad about feeling bad. To destigmatize, ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 720-722 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:46:07
Shame researcher Brené Brown defines it as “the fear of being unlovable: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Shame hits us so powerfully ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 720-723 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:46:14
Shame researcher Brené Brown defines it as “the fear of being unlovable: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Shame hits us so powerfully because it conveys a message about our fundamental acceptability as human beings. And in basic survival terms, if the tribe rejects ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 732-735 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:47:19
Often, it’s not what we feel that is the most painful—it’s our shame about feeling this way that really does the damage. Once we see this feeling as normal and even something to be expected, it becomes much easier to bear. As with any discomfort or difficult feeling, it is helpful to remember that shame is a standard part of the human experience, and that everyone feels it from time to time. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 737-741 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:47:40
Remember that uncomfortable emotions are normal, natural, and simply a legacy of our survival instincts. We all experience them from time to time. Dedramatize: this is a common part of human experience that happens every day. Think of others who’ve gone through this before, especially people you admire. See it as one burden shared by many. You are part of a community of human beings experiencing this one feeling at this very moment. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 744-746 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:47:59
Once you’ve destigmatized the experience, the next step in handling internal negativity is to neutralize negative thoughts. The best way to do this is to realize that your thoughts aren’t necessarily accurate at all. Do you remember Tom’s ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 748-750 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:48:20
The next time you think you see coldness or reservation in someone’s face while they’re talking to you, try to remember that it could simply be the visible signs of their internal discomfort. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 762-767 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:50:30
Right now, look around the room and notice everything that’s blue. Now keep your eyes glued to this page. Without lifting your eyes, think of everything in the room that is red. Really. Bear with me. Give it your best try. Now look around. Do you see a lot more red all of a sudden? Why did this happen? We have a limited capacity for conscious attention, which constrains how much we can be aware of at any particular time. Of the millions of visual inputs our eyes take in every moment, we consciously perceive very few. The conscious awareness of absolutely everything around us would be overwhelming. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 762-767 | Added on Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:50:48
Right now, look around the room and notice everything that’s blue. Now keep your eyes glued to this page. Without lifting your eyes, think of everything in the room that is red. Really. Bear with me. Give it your best try. Now look around. Do you see a lot more red all of a sudden? Why did this happen? We have a limited capacity for conscious attention, which constrains how much we can be aware of at any particular time. Of the millions of visual inputs our eyes take in every moment, we consciously perceive very few. The conscious awareness of absolutely everything around us would be overwhelming. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 784-785 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:25:22
When your brain spins negative scenarios, remind yourself that you may not be getting an accurate perception of reality. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 804-805 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:26:51
Assign a label to your negative experience: self-criticism, anger, anxiety, etc. Just naming what you are thinking and feeling can help you neutralize it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 805-807 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:27:01
Depersonalize the experience. Rather than saying “I’m feeling ashamed,” try “There is shame being felt.” Imagine that you’re a scientist observing a phenomenon: “How interesting, there are self-critical thoughts arising.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 820-821 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:28:17
Because trying to suppress a self-critical thought only makes it more central to your thinking, it’s a far better strategy to simply aim to neutralize it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 832-834 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:29:16
Once the fight-or-flight response is aroused, it’s hard to quiet down. Anger is a difficult emotion to flush out of your system—this is why an unpleasant traffic encounter in the morning can stay on your mind for hours and sometimes all day. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 834-837 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:29:38
If you aimed to simply suppress the anger, you would pay a high price. When people are induced into a negative emotional state and then asked to suppress negative emotions, their internal negative experience often remains unchanged and they sustain elevated stress responses in their brain and cardiovascular system.3 ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 840-843 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:30:09
Deciding to change your belief about what happened (technically called cognitive reappraisal) effectively decreases the brain’s stress levels. This came to light through research performed at Stanford using functional MRI machines. The researchers concluded that deciding to change beliefs was a far more effective and healthier solution than attempting to repress or ignore emotions.4 ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 843-845 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:30:18
In most situations, we don’t know for certain what motivates a person’s actions, so we might as well choose the explanation that is most helpful to us and create a version of events that gets us into the specific mental state we need for charisma. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 872-873 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:32:36
decide to interpret everything favorably toward myself. It’s not just that I’m optimistic, ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 872-873 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:32:41
“I decide to interpret everything favorably toward myself. It’s not just that I’m optimistic, I’m actually conveniently deluded.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 876-878 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:33:01
So when a difficult experience arises and risks impairing your charisma levels, rather than trying to suppress or ignore your internal difficulties, consider a few alternate versions of reality. Conjure a few different scenarios that would induce you into a more useful mental state. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 897-898 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:34:42
The Universe (or Fate or God), having my best interests at heart, does not want this meeting to happen. There’s an even better direction things will take instead. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 910-911 | Added on Sunday, 22 July 2018 02:35:39
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 1033-1034 | Added on Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:36:56
So if you can bring yourself to talk to strangers whenever you’re waiting around in lines, or on buses or trains, do it. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 1227-1236 | Added on Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:47:36
Imagine your own funeral: The last gratitude-enhancing technique, used in many highly regarded leadership seminars despite its outlandishness, is the most intense—do not take it lightly. Have you ever felt flooded with relief after finding an important item you thought had been lost or stolen? (It happens to me every time I lose my keys.) This instinctive sweeping sense of gratitude can be remarkably powerful, and it taps into wells of gratitude deeper than almost any other practice. You can manufacture this gratitude-producing sense of relief by imagining your own funeral. Within seconds, this visualization can bring you into a state of emotional aliveness and, as you realize you still have your life, to a state of gratitude. The main point of this exercise is to help you gain access to various shades of warmth and give you a chance to get comfortable with these feelings. This is one of the few exercises that can fairly effectively help you feel gratitude for life. It can be very moving, bring you great insights, and give you clarity on deeply held values, but it can also make you feel quite stirred up. So for this one, please ensure that you’re in an environment where you would feel comfortable being emotional. I ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 1240-1249 | Added on Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:47:53
or lie down, close your eyes, and set the scene. Where is your funeral being held? What day of the week, what time of day? What is the weather like? See the building where the ceremony is being held. See people arriving. Who’s coming? What are they wearing? Now move into the building and look around inside. Do you see flowers? If so, smell the flowers’ scent heavy on the air. See people coming through the door. What are they thinking? What kind of chairs are they sitting in? What do these chairs feel like? ♦ Your funeral starts. Think of the people you care most about or whose opinions matter most to you. What are they thinking? See them stepping up one after another and delivering their eulogy. What are they saying? What regrets do they have for you? Now think: What would you like them to have said? What regrets do you have for yourself? ♦ See people following your coffin to the cemetery and gathering around your grave. What would you like to see written on your tombstone? ♦ Almost everyone, of all ages, genders, and seniority levels, gets a bit teary-eyed by the end. You might feel moved, touched, stirred. Stay with these emotions as much as you can and aim to get comfortable with them. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 1262-1263 | Added on Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:48:37
lessens our need to make the interaction succeed. When our only aim is to broadcast goodwill, it takes the pressure off. ========== The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Cabane, Olivia Fox) - Your Highlight at location 1263-1264 | Added on Tuesday, 24 July 2018 15:48:45
We’re no longer striving, struggling, pushing for things to go in a certain direction. And since we’re less concerned about how the interaction goes, we can both feel and project more charismatic confidence. Goodwill is ==========
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Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) Believe me, it really doesn’t matter whether you agree with what I’m saying or you don’t. Because agreement and disagreement have to do with words and concepts and theories. They don’t have anything to do with truth. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 15 | location 216-217 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:48:18
Truth is sighted suddenly, as a result of a certain attitude. So you could be disagreeing with me and still sight the truth. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 15 | location 220-221 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:48:45
so that you can drop them. All I can do for you is challenge your beliefs and the belief system that makes you unhappy. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 15 | location 224-225 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:49:13
But are you listening for what will confirm what you already think? Or are you listening in order to discover something new? That is important. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 16 | location 233-234 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:50:44
Your beliefs give you a lot of security, but faith is insecurity. You don’t know. You’re ready to follow and you’re open, you’re wide open! ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 16 | location 236-237 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:51:12
Recall those lovely words of Buddha when he said, “Monks and scholars must not accept my words out of respect, but must analyze them the way a goldsmith analyzes gold—by cutting, scraping, rubbing, melting.” ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 16 | location 238-240 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:51:35
The first step, as I said, was a readiness to admit that you don’t want to wake up, that you don’t want to be happy. There are all kinds of resistances to that within you. The second step is a readiness to understand, to listen, to challenge your whole belief system. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 278-279 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:54:51
I’m trying to get at a picture of an action where there is not self, where you’re awake and what you do is done through you. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 19 | location 279-279 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:54:56
Your deed in that case becomes a happening. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 22 | location 323-324 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:59:12
That’s the worst kind of charity, when you’re doing something so you won’t get a bad feeling. You don’t have the guts to say you want to be left alone. You want people to think you’re a good priest! ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 24 | location 359-360 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:15:11
And so in order to wake up, the one thing you need the most is not energy, or strength, or youthfulness, or even great intelligence. The one thing you need most of all is the readiness to learn something new. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 24 | location 360-361 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:15:17
The chances that you will wake up are in direct proportion to the amount of truth you can take without running away. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 27 | location 401-403 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:18:47
It’s probably too startling for many of you to understand that everyone except the very rare awakened person can be expected to be selfish and to seek his or her own self-interest whether in coarse or in refined ways. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 445-447 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:22:10
I’m talking about self-observation. What’s that? It means to watch everything in you and around you as far as possible and watch it as if it were happening to someone else. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 448-449 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:22:17
The reason you suffer from your depression and your anxieties is that you identify with them. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 449-452 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:22:38
You say, “I’m depressed.” But that is false. You are not depressed. If you want to be accurate, you might say, “I am experiencing a depression right now.” But you can hardly say, “I am depressed.” You are not your depression. That is but a strange kind of trick of the mind, a strange kind of illusion. You have deluded yourself into thinking— though you are not aware of it—that you are your depression, ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 453-454 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:22:51
Delight may be in you right now, but wait around, it will change; it won’t last: it never lasts; it keeps changing: it’s always changing. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 454-456 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:23:01
Clouds come and go: some of them are black and some white, some of them are large, others small. If we want to follow the analogy, you would be the sky, observing the clouds. You are a passive, detached observer. That’s shocking, particularly to someone in the Western culture. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 456-458 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:23:14
You’re not interfering. Don’t interfere. Don’t “fix” anything. Watch! Observe! The trouble with people is that they’re busy fixing things they don’t even understand. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 30 | location 458-459 | Added on Sunday, 27 December 2020 21:23:22
We’re always fixing things, aren’t we? It never strikes us that things don’t need to be fixed. They really don’t. This is a great illumination. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 35 | location 535-536 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:46:02
FINDING YOURSELF The great masters tell us that the most important question in the world is: “Who am I?” Or rather: “What is ‘I’?” What is this thing I call “I”? What ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 37 | location 555-556 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:47:36
really? It’s going to take a lot of awareness for you to understand that perhaps this thing you call “I” is simply a conglomeration of your past experiences, of your conditioning and programming. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 585-588 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:49:48
the thoughts that I am thinking? No. Thoughts come and go; I am not my thoughts. Am I my body? They tell us that millions of cells in our body are changed or are renewed every minute, so that by the end of seven years we don’t have a single living cell in our body that was there seven years before. Cells come and go. Cells arise and die. But “I” seems to persist. So am I my body? Evidently not! ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 39 | location 591-593 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:50:22
How about my name? Is “I” my name? Evidently not, because I can change my name without changing the “I.” How about my career? How about my beliefs? I say I am a Catholic, a Jew—is that an essential part of “I”? When I move from one religion to another, has the “I” changed? Do I have a new “I” or is it the same “I” that has changed? ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 40 | location 611-612 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:51:49
What constantly changes is “me.” Does “I” ever change? Does the observer ever change? The fact is that no matter what labels you think of (except perhaps human being) you should apply them to “me .” ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 40 | location 612-613 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:51:57
“I” is none of these things. So when you step out of yourself and observe “me,” you no longer identify with “me.” Suffering exists in “me,” ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 40 | location 613-614 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:52:04
so when you identify “I” with “me,” suffering begins. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 41 | location 614-615 | Added on Monday, 28 December 2020 21:52:17
Say that you are afraid or desirous or anxious. When “I” does not identify with money, or name, or nationality, or persons, or friends, or any quality, the “I” is never threatened. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 41 | location 628-628 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:32:22
Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you’re living in an illusion. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 41 | location 628-629 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:32:30
There’s something seriously wrong with you. You’re not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 44 | location 661-663 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:36:06
Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 44 | location 663-666 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:36:28
What I really enjoy is not you; it’s something that’s greater than both you and me. It is something that I discovered, a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays one melody in your presence, but when you depart, the orchestra doesn’t stop. When I meet someone else, it plays another melody, which is also very delightful. And when I’m alone, it continues to play. There’s a great repertoire and it never ceases to play. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 47 | location 714-716 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:40:29
Get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding, you will be yourself. Relaxed. You wouldn’t be driving with your brakes on. That’s what would happen. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 47 | location 716-719 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:40:58
There’s a lovely saying of Tranxu, a great Chinese sage, that I took the trouble to learn by heart. It goes: “When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 48 | location 723-727 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:41:27
That’s why the mystics and the prophets didn’t bother one bit about it. Honor or disgrace meant nothing to them. They were living in another world, in the world of the awakened. Success or failure meant nothing to them. They had the attitude: “I’m an ass, you’re an ass, so where’s the problem?” Someone once said, “The three most difficult things for a human being are not 29 physical feats or intellectual achievements. They are, first, returning love for hate; second, including the excluded; third, admitting that you are wrong.” But these are the easiest things in the ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 48 | location 730-732 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:42:21
You’ll grieve, cry, and so on. “Before enlightenment, I used to be depressed: after enlightenment, I continue to be depressed.” But there’s a difference: I don’t identify with it anymore. Do you know what a big difference that is? You step outside of yourself and look at that depression, ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 48 | location 732-733 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:42:33
You don’t do a thing to make it go away; you are perfectly willing to go on with your life while it passes through you and disappears. If ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 48 | location 735-736 | Added on Tuesday, 29 December 2020 21:42:47
paradox? And you’re willing to let this cloud come in, because the more you fight it, the more power you give it. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 50 | location 759-760 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:13:32
Some say that there are only two things in the world: God and fear; love and fear are the only two things. There’s only one evil in the world, fear. There’s only one good in the world, love. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 50 | location 762-763 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:14:05
Ignorance and fear, ignorance caused by fear, that’s where all the evil comes from, that’s where your violence comes from. The person who is truly nonviolent, who is incapable of violence, is the person who is fearless. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 54 | location 816-818 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:18:14
And as I told you, it is extremely important if you want to wake up to go in for what I call “self-observation.” Be aware of what you’re saying, be aware of what you’re doing, be aware of what you’re thinking, be aware of how you’re acting. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 54 | location 818-819 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:18:20
Be aware of where you’re coming from, what your motives are. The unaware life is not worth living. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 55 | location 837-839 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:20:05
method of Carl Rogers, which is person-oriented and nondirective. You don’t ask questions. and you don’t interrupt or give advice. So I was very aware that I mustn’t ask questions. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 57 | location 863-865 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:22:44
What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you. You are always a slave to what you’re not aware of. When you’re aware of it, you’re free from it. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 57 | location 868-869 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:23:11
When I’m listening to you, it’s infinitely more important for me to listen to me than to listen to you. Of course, it’s important to listen to you, but it’s more important that I listen to me. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 58 | location 879-881 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:24:12
What I would advocate is awareness, which is not the same as concentration at all. Concentration is a spotlight, a floodlight. You’re open to anything that comes within the scope of your consciousness. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 58 | location 881-882 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:24:26
When awareness is turned on, there’s never any distraction, because you’re always aware of whatever happens to be. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 59 | location 893-894 | Added on Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:25:23
The important thing is to drop the labels. As the Japanese Zen masters say, “Don’t seek the truth; just drop your opinions.” ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 59 | location 904-906 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:41:44
somewhere. Suffering points out that there is falsehood somewhere. Suffering occurs when you clash with reality. When your illusions clash with reality, when your falsehoods clash with truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise there is no suffering. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 60 | location 907-909 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:42:00
What is coming could be the most important minutes in your lives. If you could grasp this, you’d hit upon the secret of awakening. You would be happy forever. You would never be unhappy again. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 61 | location 921-922 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:43:17
Being president of a corporation has nothing to do with being a success in life. Having a lot of money has nothing to do with being a success in life. You’re a success in life when you wake up! ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 62 | location 945-947 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:45:22
Do you want to be happy? Uninterrupted happiness is uncaused. True happiness is uncaused. You cannot make me happy. You are not my happiness. You say to the awakened person, “Why are you happy?” and the awakened person replies, “Why not?” Happiness is our natural state. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 953-954 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:45:59
The first thing you need to do is get in touch with negative feelings that you’re not even aware of. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 954-955 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:46:07
Lots of people are depressed and they’re not aware they are depressed. It’s only when they make contact with joy that they understand how depressed they were. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 956-957 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:46:20
The first thing you need is awareness of your negative feelings. What negative feelings? Gloominess, for instance. You’re feeling gloomy and moody. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 959-959 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:46:32
The second step (this is a four-step program) is to understand that the feeling is in you, not in reality. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 963-964 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:46:58
Negative feelings are in you, not in reality. So stop trying to change reality. That’s crazy! Stop trying to change the other person. We spend all our time and energy trying to change external circumstances, ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 964-965 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:47:03
trying to change our spouses, our bosses, our friends, our enemies, and everybody else. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 63 | location 965-966 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:47:08
Negative feelings are in you. No person on earth has the power to make you unhappy. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 64 | location 974-976 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:47:57
The third step: Never identify with that feeling. It has nothing to do with the “I.” Don’t define your essential self in terms of that feeling. Don’t say, “I am depressed.” If you want to say, “It is depressed,” that’s all right. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 64 | location 976-977 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:48:04
If you want to say depression is there, that’s fine; if you want to say gloominess is there, that’s fine. But not: I am gloomy. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 65 | location 990-992 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:49:26
But you don’t need to belong to anybody or anything or any group. You don’t even need to be in love. Who told you you do? What you need is to be free. What you need is to love. That’s it; that’s your nature. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 65 | location 990-993 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:49:34
But you don’t need to belong to anybody or anything or any group. You don’t even need to be in love. Who told you you do? What you need is to be free. What you need is to love. That’s it; that’s your nature. But what you’re really telling me is that you want to be desired. You want to be applauded, to be attractive, to have all the little monkeys running after you. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 66 | location 1001-1002 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:50:16
Lord Krishna says to Arjuna, “Plunge into the heat of battle and keep your heart at the lotus feet of the Lord.” A marvelous sentence. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 66 | location 1002-1004 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:50:32
Eckhart said very beautifully, “God is not attained by a process of addition to anything in the soul, but by a process of subtraction.” You don’t do anything to be free, you drop something. Then you’re free. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 66 | location 1007-1008 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:51:06
The fourth step: How do you change things? How do you change yourselves? There ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 66 | location 1012-1013 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:51:39
“How wonderful life would be if somebody else would change; how wonderful life would be if my neighbor changed, my wife changed, my boss changed.” ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 67 | location 1016-1017 | Added on Friday, 1 January 2021 20:51:54
“I feel good because the world is right.” Wrong! The world is right because I feel good. That’s what all the mystics are saying. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 71 | location 1088-1090 | Added on Saturday, 2 January 2021 21:12:16
That still leaves us with a big question: Do I do anything to change myself? I’ve got a big surprise for you, lots of good news! You don’t have to do anything. The more you do, the worse it gets. All you have to do is understand. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 74 | location 1131-1133 | Added on Monday, 4 January 2021 21:19:55
That’s selfish. It is not selfish to live your life as you see fit. The selfishness lies in demanding that someone else live their life to suit your tastes, or your pride, or your profit, or your pleasure. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 76 | location 1155-1157 | Added on Monday, 4 January 2021 21:22:29
So begin to be aware of your present condition whatever that condition is. Stop being a dictator. Stop trying to push yourself somewhere. Then someday you will understand that simply by awareness you have already attained what you were pushing yourself toward.
========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 14 | location 203-204 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:46:23
So you must “receive” your demons, because when you fight them, you empower them. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 14 | location 205-206 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:46:40
Don’t renounce it, see through it. Understand its true value and you won’t need to renounce it; it will just drop from your hands. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 14 | location 207-208 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:47:15
the other thing, you’re stuck. What we need to do for you is not what so-called spirituality attempts to do—namely, to get you to make sacrifices, to renounce things. That’s useless. You’re still asleep. What we need to do is to help you understand, understand, understand. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 14 | location 208-209 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:47:23
If you understood, you’d simply drop the desire for it. This is another way of saying: If you woke up, you’d simply drop the desire for it. ========== Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality (Anthony De Mello) - Your Highlight on page 14 | location 210-210 | Added on Saturday, 26 December 2020 21:47:31
LISTEN AND UNLEARN ==========
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